


Keep Your Faith In Us

by justyrae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Emotional Baggage, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Phone Sex, Pining, Polyamory Negotiations, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:41:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4703033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Louis' idea to open up their relationship but what happens when he's not sure if that's what he really wants?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Your Faith In Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nessiegirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessiegirl/gifts).



> for the prompt: "Two of the characters are childhood sweethearts who go to uni far away from each other. They decide to make it an open relationship, and one (or both) of them find someone else, who they bring home for the winter holidays. Basically I'd like lots of cute wintery group dates - ice skating, playing in the snow, hot drinks in a little cafe, all the good stuff."
> 
> somehow I made this less about cute wintery group dates - THOUGH THEY ARE IN THERE I SWEAR - and more about Louis being kind of fucked up and wanting things and not knowing how to deal with his feelings and somehow it ended up far longer than I ever intended it to be because certain people - COUGHCOUGHNOUIS - couldn't stop having sex so I'M SORRY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ANYWAY <3
> 
> also super big thanks to my beta A for cheerleading this fic every step of the way.

Louis doesn't want to let go. He's barely let Liam out of his sight for the last week and he's had at least one hand on some part of Liam since the moment he woke up this morning. It's entirely possible that they've been hugging for the better part of ten minutes at this point, but Louis doesn't care. He doesn't want to let go.

"You're going to be late," Liam says with what's supposed to be a laugh, but his voice cracks halfway through and the laugh sounds more like a choked sob. Louis shuts his eyes and hugs Liam tighter as he buries his head against Liam's neck.

"Don't care," he mumbles against the warm skin under his mouth.

"Lou," Liam whispers sadly, making Louis' heart shatter within his chest. "You'll miss your train."

"Don't care," Louis repeats, "don't wanna go."

"That's not true. You and I both know how excited you are for uni."

Louis huffs a whimper and squeezes Liam so tight that it makes him squeak in discomfort, but Louis still doesn't let go. He's going to drag Liam off to  _his_  uni with him whether he likes it or not.

"Louis," Liam says in a firmer tone, "I can feel you trying to pull me along with you."

"Can't," Louis answers petulantly. "Dunno what you're talking about."

"C'mon," Liam starts to pull against Louis' grip and no matter how hard he tries Louis can't keep Liam in his arms forever, "you've got to go."

Louis frowns, darting his eyes away from Liam as he feels his bottom lip start to tremble. He's not going to cry. He already cried saying goodbye to his mum and the girls and he told himself that he wasn't going to cry again. But then Liam whispers his name softly and Louis feels his resolve crumble when their eyes meet again and tears start streaming down his face.

"Don't cry," Liam says, his voice all wobbly. "You said you wouldn't cry."

"I'm not crying," Louis grumbles through a loud sniffle, "you're crying, look at you."

Liam laughs, tears falling from his eyes as he lets go of Louis' waist to wipe them away. Louis grabs his hand and laces their fingers together, making Liam roll his eyes at him.

"Louis," he warns.

"I know, I know," Louis huffs loudly as he drops Liam's hand and pulls his other arm back, crossing them as he frowns. "I have to go."

It takes about ten seconds for Liam to wrap his arms around Louis in another crushing hug, knocking the wind out of him as his face is crushed against Liam's shoulder.

"You're going to make me late," Louis says teasingly, feeling smug when Liam loosens his grip and he can see how red his eyes are.

"Alright, go on, then." Liam sniffles a bit, darting his eyes back and forth between Louis and the floor as he wipes at his nose.

"I lo--" Louis pauses, catching the words before they leave his mouth. He forces himself to remember that they're not saying that anymore, they agreed it was for the best. "I'll miss you," he corrects, hoping that Liam won't notice.

"I'll miss you too," Liam smiles as he blinks away fresh tears, "but we'll both be home for Christmas, yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis agrees, inhaling sharply to hide the fact that he's seconds away from crying all over again. He's going to be an absolute mess on his train, hopefully he'll be able to find an empty compartment. "And my birthday."

"'Course. Can't forget your birthday."

"You'd better not."

"Never," Liam says as he takes a step towards Louis and their arms find their way around each other again. This hug isn't as tight as the last few have been, but it means just as much. Louis has never felt as comfortable with anyone as he does with Liam, and it's hugs like these that always remind him of that.

A voice booms over the loudspeaker, reminding the both of them that there's not much time left for Louis to board his train before it leaves without him. Louis groans against Liam's shoulder and sags against him when Liam gently runs his fingers through Louis' hair. Liam brushes his lips against Louis' temple and Louis tips his head back and puckers his lips.

"One more?" he mumbles through his pursed lips, making Liam chuckle.

"You said last night was the last one."

"I lied. So sue me."

"You're awful," Liam says as he tilts his head down and presses his lips against Louis'. He lets out a satisfied hum through the kiss, and Louis feels the vibration from Liam's lips go through his body all the way down to his toes.

"Gonna miss that," he mumbles softly, half hoping that Liam doesn't hear him.

"Not gonna miss anything if you don't go," Liam says as he gives Louis a little shove, letting him know that he absolutely did hear him and he's not getting away with it. A whimper escapes Louis' lips before he can stop it but he quickly covers it up by pressing his lips against Liam's again in a far more desperate kiss. Liam kisses back just as eagerly and the two kiss as though it's the last thing they'll ever do until a loud, sharp whistle startles the both of them and Louis needs to leave in the next thirty seconds if he's going to get on his train.

"Bye, Liam," he says breathlessly, smacking one last kiss against Liam's lips before he pulls away from him and quickly jumps on the train. He doesn't let himself look back at Liam, choosing a compartment on the opposite side of the train just so he isn't tempted to climb out the window and stay.

Not thirty seconds after Louis is settled in his seat, his phone buzzes in his pocket.

**ur a dirty cheater!!**

Louis grins down at his phone, imagining the look on Liam's face after having the life nearly kissed out of him. Louis' heart clenches within his chest but he pushes it down, clinging to the happy feeling of knowing he got the better of Liam one last time before uni.

**gona miss u :( have fun at uniiiiii <3**

Louis closes his eyes and swallows harshly. It's going to be a long semester.

*

As much as he hates to admit it, uni isn't quite what Louis expected it to be. His roommate is nice enough, he supposes, but it's still a bit weird sharing a room with another bloke when Louis is used to close quarters with his mum and sisters. He's overwhelmingly thankful for the cleaning crew in his dormitory, because otherwise he shudders to think what the toilets would look like otherwise.

His classes, as interesting as they seemed when he was picking them out, are about as boring as anyone can imagine and Louis seriously considers dropping out in the first week. He breaks after only three days of classes and calls his mum, feeling homesick and a bit stroppy on his way back to his dormitory.

"I want to come home," he whines into the phone only seconds after he's said hello. Jay gives a sympathetic sigh, but Louis shouldn't have expected her to immediately coddle him in the first place.

"M'afraid you can't, love. Lottie's already taken your room."

"What?" Louis huffs. "Dirty little traitor, she said she wouldn't."

"You should know better by now than to trust her," Jay says with a chuckle, "but what's wrong, love? Why don't you like uni?"

"It's stupid," Louis replies petulantly as he kicks a rock out of his way, "my roommate's alright but my classes are shit and I don't like them at all."

"Louis," Jay says in a warning tone and Louis winces a bit - she's never liked him cursing around her, "I'm sure everyone thinks their classes are awful during the first week. Just think back to sixth form, did you like anything in the first week?"

"No," Louis mumbles, annoyed that his mum is always right. Still, it's comforting just to hear her voice so he doesn't particularly mind that she's scolding him for being a bit of an idiot.

"You'll be alright, love." She sniffles a bit and Louis's heart clenches; he hates the thought of his mum crying over this. "I know everything's strange and a bit scary right now but that's mostly because you're not home for the first time in your life and that's enough to scare anyone."

"Mum," Louis whispers. He's stopped walking altogether and finds a chair to collapse in with his phone pressed firmly against his ear. His bottom lip is wobbling and his eyes are full of tears threatening to fall but he doesn't want to make his mum cry and he certainly doesn't want to start sobbing in the middle of the bloody school promenade. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Lou. We all do. But we also want you to be happy and have fun at uni, which I know you're not doing right now but you will, I know you will."

Louis inhales sharply and presses the heel of his hand against his eyes to force his tears back, pulling his phone away from his face as he sniffs loudly and clears his throat.

"How are the girls?" he asks, hoping his mum didn't hear him choking back tears. "Lot's stolen my room, how're Fitz and the twins?"

Jay laughs, the tears and sad feelings forgotten as she tells him all about the ridiculous things his sisters have gotten up to in the time he's been gone. It hurts less than Louis thought it would, hearing about what his family does while he's not around, but it doesn't stop part of him from wishing he really could go home.

"How's Liam?" Jay asks, catching Louis off-guard.

It's not that he's trying not to talk to Liam as often as he wants to, it's just… well, no. It's exactly that.

Any time not spent in class, Louis tries to do anything to keep himself from texting Liam. He texted him when he got off the train and when he got to his dormitory for the first time, and then a few more updates after meeting his roommate, and maybe - just maybe - he'd updated Liam on the surprisingly disturbing amount of facial hair on one of his female professors during his first class, but he couldn't not tell Liam about any of that.

It's not like Liam was making it any easier, either. Not a day went by that Louis didn't receive at least one pouty selfie with a ridiculous caption that made Louis want to smile and cry at the same time.

"He's good," Louis answers, "seems to be liking uni alright."

"That's good," Jay hums. "M'sure he misses you just as much as you miss him, love."

"Yeah," Louis answers softly, "I miss him a lot."

"I know you do. But before you know it you'll both be back here for your birthday and Christmas and it'll be like you never left at all."

Louis snorts softly. "You sound pretty sure of yourself, Mum."

"Have to. That's what mums are for."

"Love you," Louis says with a smile.

"Love you too, Lou." He can hear the smile in her voice and somehow, it makes everything better. His chest isn't as tight, he doesn't feel like the world is going to end if he isn't able to go home right this minute, and maybe uni won't be so bad after all.

After the phone call with his mum, Louis decides to go to the student union and see if there's anything going on that night. Maybe he can find a club or something to join so he's not just sitting in his dormitory all night wondering why he was so excited to go to uni in the first place.

There are hundreds of flyers posted on every inch of wall space as far as the eye can see, and honestly it's a bit frightening. Louis weaves his way through the crowd of people in an attempt to get a closer look at them, but most of them are for things that don't particularly interest him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of a flyer for a football club and it piques his interest. He always loved dragging Liam out to their local pitch for a kickabout, especially when Liam would let him tackle him to the ground and kiss him senseless as they laid in the grass.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Louis snatches the flyer off the wall entirely and reads it over once before pocketing it. The first match is scheduled for Saturday and as Louis walks back to his dormitory he feels a newfound sense of excitement, something he'd been looking for since the moment he stepped on campus.

Louis finds an empty room when he finally returns to his dormitory, and after a glance at his roommate's schedule on the wall - posted right next to his own so they both know when the other has classes, a brilliant idea that Louis partly wishes he'd come up with himself - he sees that he'll be alone for another few hours. He collapses onto his bed after flinging his bag onto the floor near his closet and tries to decide if it's worth taking a nap at four in the afternoon.

His decision-making process is interrupted by receiving a text and as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that it's from Liam, he feels a familiar lump rise in his throat. Part of him thinks he should leave it be, give Liam the space they both agreed would be a good idea - even if deep down some days he  _hates_  the idea and wishes he'd never thought of it in the first place - but at the same time he can't help but think that if Liam's texted him it's probably important and he shouldn't ignore it just for the sake of ignoring it.

Louis' mind is a very confusing place nowadays.

He ends up opening the text anyway, and feels the lump in his throat get even bigger when it's yet another selfie with a sickeningly adorable caption.

**saved a space just 4 u if ur up for a nap :)**

Louis saves the picture to his phone like he's done with every single selfie Liam's ever sent him, but instead of replying to the message he instead calls Liam without so much as a second thought. It takes Liam three rings to pick up, giving Louis just enough time to start panicking before he hears Liam's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hi, Lou." Louis closes his eyes and smiles, he can  _hear_  the fondness in Liam's voice and it fills him with a warmth he's missed something terrible. "Did you get my text?"

"I did, Li." Louis laughs softly. "You're spoiling me with selfies, did you know?"

"Only one a day, that's hardly spoiling," Liam answers petulantly and Louis smiles even bigger when he imagines the pout Liam's probably sporting at that very moment. "When're you going to send one back?"

"When you deserve it," Louis answers with a wry chuckle, making Liam whimper.

"Not fair, Tommo," he huffs, "I miss your face."

"I miss yours too," Louis sighs. "Tell me about your day," he says, quickly changing the subject before he gets emotional all over again like he did on the phone with his mum.

Liam tells him all about his first composition class and he sounds so excited that Louis manages to forget that they're miles and miles away from each other because with Liam's voice in his ear it's almost like he's right there next to him. The whole reason they're apart was so Liam could go to the music school of his dreams, which was almost as important to Louis as it was to Liam.

Sure, some small part of Louis had the tiniest hope that Liam wouldn't get in or he wouldn't get a scholarship so they could go to uni together like they'd sort of planned, but the look on Liam's face the day he got his acceptance letter told Louis everything he needed to know: there was no way he could stand in the way of Liam going to that school.

"And there's this one bloke, Harry, he's like, wicked smart. He's a year younger but already in uni, isn't that amazing?"

"Sounds it," Louis replies, but it's lost in Liam's babbling.

"He's in most of my classes but we hadn't actually talked until today, he just sat down next to me and like, decided we were going to be friends." Liam laughs. "Reminds me a bit of you, if I'm honest."

Louis can't ignore the way his heart flutters at that, and as he groans Liam laughs again like he knows exactly what he's done.

"Nobody's like me," he declares, "I'm special."

"Of course you are," Liam replies, "but maybe you should send me a selfie, just so I don't forget."

"I know what you're trying to do, Liam Payne. You're not as crafty as you think."

"I just wanna see your face, Lou."

"What, my voice isn't good enough?"

"You know I love your voice," Liam says, his voice dropping to a lower tone. "Don't even get me started."

"Maybe I want you to," Louis replies, "maybe that's the whole reason I called."

"Lou," Liam groans softly, "what're you doing?"

"Me? M'not doing anything, yet." Liam groans again and Louis smiles wickedly even though he can't see it. "I might be unbuttoning my trousers," he says as he slides his hand down his torso and pulls at the first button, "s'awfully hot in my room, y'know."

"Louis," Liam whines softly, but Louis doesn't stop.

"You should probably do the same," he says as he pushes his trousers down around his thighs, lightly drawing his hand over his cock and letting out a soft moan as he continues, "feels good, Li."

"Alright," Liam says with a hurried breath. Louis can hear him fumbling around and the sound of a door closing before he lets out a long sigh and whispers, "they're off."

"Are you touching yourself?" Louis asks as he tugs his pants down and wraps his hand around himself and moans again.

"Y-Yeah," Liam replies with a groan, sending more shivers down Louis' spine.

"Good boy," he mutters, his hips bucking up towards his hand as Liam groans again.

"L-Lou," Liam pants desperately, "talk to me, tell me what you're thinking about," he begs.

"You," Louis groans as he strokes himself faster, "always thinking about you. About your lips, your hands, just… everything, Li."

"Yeah," Liam moans, "keep going, Lou, please."

"Th-thinking about you on your knees for me," Louis whimpers, "the way you look after you come, how you taste, god,  _fuck_ , Liam, wish it was you touching me."

"Me too," Liam grunts, "wanna touch you, wanna kiss you, just want you."

"Come for me," Louis begs, "m'close, Li, so close, please."

"Yeah, Lou, don't stop, m'gonna, m'gonna…"

Louis' whole body shakes through his orgasm, made far more intense with Liam moaning in his ear and coming at the same time. It takes them both a few minutes to recover, breathing heavily into the phone and laughing a bit as they catch their breath.

"Miss you," Liam mumbles.

"Miss you too," Louis whispers back so softly that Liam can probably barely hear him at all. There's a bit of shuffling on Liam's end before he sighs contentedly and Louis closes his eyes and pretends like Liam's right there next to him.

"You never told me about your day," Liam says, his pout evident in his voice all over again.

"You didn't ask," Louis replies with just enough snark to get Liam to laugh.

"M'asking now. Tell me."

"Nothing to tell, really. Went to class, talked to mum - who says hi, by the way - and, um, now I'm here, talking to you."

Liam makes a sympathetic sort of noise - the kind he makes when he wants to say something but he's not sure how Louis will react. Most of the time Louis would just pinch or tickle him until he actually says what's on his mind, but now it's even harder to do so and Louis doesn't like that at all.

"Might join a footie club," he says casually. "There's one starting on Saturday."

"Yeah?" Liam instantly sounds happier and Louis can't help but smile. "That's brilliant, you love footie!"

"Yeah, should be good. At the very least I'll meet some new people."

"I'm glad, Lou. You, um..." Liam pauses, then lets out a sigh, "I just want you to be happy, y'know?"

"I know, Li." Louis lets out a breath and looks down at himself with a grimace. "I should go."

"Lou--"

"Really need to clean up," Louis says with a laugh, cutting Liam off before he can call Louis out on what's really going on inside his head. "Made a bit of a mess of myself."

"Louis," Liam says in a shy voice.

"S'all your fault."

"Is not, you started it."

"Yeah, well," Louis sighs happily, "can't blame me, can you?"

"Definitely can't." Liam hums. "Talk to you later?"

"Yeah," Louis replies, "bye, Li."

"Bye, Lou."

Louis waits another few minutes after he hangs up before he climbs out of bed and sprints to the bathroom to clean himself up, thankfully not running into anyone on the way. When he gets back to the room, he stares at his phone for a minute or so before he picks it up and opens the camera. He takes about twenty selfies before deleting them all and lies down on his bed again.

"Stupid," he mutters under his breath as he thumbs through the ones that Liam's sent him since they both got phones that could actually take decent pictures. He pauses on his favorite, one Liam sent during sixth form when he was home sick in bed. His face is flushed, he's got the covers pulled up to his chin, his lips are stuck out in the most ridiculous pout Louis has ever seen, and Louis loves it.

He decides to try one more time and opens the camera. His face is half pressed into the pillow as he takes the picture, but he's looking directly into the lens and he's smiling so he sends it to Liam anyway.

**definitely up for that nap now <3**

Liam texts back less than a minute later and Louis' heart swells three sizes.

**wish i was there 2 cuddle u proper :***

*

Saturday doesn't come as fast as Louis would have liked, but the sense of relief over not having to get up for class that he feels when he wakes up on Saturday morning makes the effort of waiting not so bad after all. It's especially nice because Louis is able to turn over and go right back to sleep since the footie club doesn't meet for another several hours, giving him an excuse to stay in bed a bit longer.

When he finally does manage to pull himself out from under his cocoon of sheets and blankets, Louis finds that he's feeling more excited for the day ahead than he has been for anything thus far at uni. He feels a bit silly for grinning so much as he pulls on a light shirt and trackies, but at the same time he can hear his mum's voice in his head telling him not to be embarrassed for being excited. The whole point of trying something new (or, in this case, playing a game he loves with entirely new people) is to be excited about the possibility of finding out something about yourself that you didn't know before.

Not to mention, the last time Louis tried something new he ended up with Liam agreeing to be not just his best friend but also his boyfriend.

Whatever the outcome, Louis is already proud of himself for at least putting himself out there; the first step is always the hardest.

His determination wavers slightly as he approaches the pitch where a small number of lads have gathered and are already talking and laughing quite loudly. Louis' steps become smaller and he hesitates joining the group at all until one of them spots him and waves him over.

"Hiya," the boy greets Louis brightly, "what's your name?"

"Louis," he answers, "yours?"

"Niall," the boy replies, grinning widely at Louis. "Fancy a game of footie?"

"Always." Louis grins back before introducing himself to the rest of the lads, catching Niall looking him up and down out of the corner of his eye. Louis feels his cheeks flush and his heart start to beat a little faster, but he brushes it off as nerves about the experience as a whole - meeting new people and all that - rather than Niall sizing him up.

Louis gets introduced to the rest of the lads that have gathered as more show up, and even though Niall doesn't quite stick to his side Louis can still sense his presence as though they were standing right next to each other. He finds himself glancing over at Niall more often than not, unable to keep a smile off his face when he catches Niall throwing his head back in laughter more often than not.

Despite his mild fixation on Niall, Louis finds that the rest of the lads are just as friendly and he feels more at home in the middle of a football pitch on a Saturday afternoon than he has anywhere on campus all week. It's comforting, and just what he needed.

While there isn't a leader of the group or any sort of hierarchy at all - from what Louis can tell, anyway - Niall appears to be the self-proclaimed decision maker. About ten or fifteen minutes into Louis being on the pitch, Niall starts dividing the lads into two teams and Louis dutifully goes to join the side he's been assigned to.

He catches Niall's eye after everyone's been divided and he feels the tiniest flutter of nerves in his stomach when Niall suddenly breaks into a grin and shouts:

"This side shirts, this side skins!"

He gestures to Louis' side second, and Louis raises his eyebrows and lets out a laugh of disbelief as the lads beside him start stripping their shirts off.

"What about you?" Louis asks. "Which side are you on?"

"Neither," Niall replies proudly as he produces a whistle from his pocket. "I'm the referee."

Louis stays still for another moment as a smile inches its way across his face while he keeps looking at Niall. He doesn't take his eyes off of Niall, apart from the few seconds it takes to slip his shirt over his head. Niall puts his whistle into his mouth and blows on it, grinning at Louis as he holds it between his teeth.

"Off you go," he says, whistling slightly as the breath from his mouth goes through the whistle as he speaks.

"Alright, don't get your pants in a bunch," Louis mutters, still smiling as he turns away from Niall and goes to join the rest of his team. He hears Niall laugh as he leaves and he feels a bigger flutter in the pit of his stomach but he doesn't turn around. He can still write off the butterflies in his stomach as nerves about playing footie with new people, and that's precisely what Louis is going to do for as long as he can.

Once the match starts, Louis loses himself in the game he loves so much. He's no longer distracted by the pounding of his heart or the feeling of his stomach flip-flopping because he's too busy running up and down the pitch to think about anything else. He's shouting, laughing, breathing harder than he has in ages, and he's having  _fun_. All the worries and doubts about going to uni in the first place melt away under the heat of the sun and Louis feels the weight of his insecurities lifting from his shoulders with every move he makes.

He collapses onto his back at the end of the match, arms stretched out in the grass as he faces the sky and laughs giddily. Even if they weren't keeping score he's fairly certain his team lost, but that doesn't actually matter.

"You alright?"

Louis shades his eyes from the sun as he peers up at Niall who's standing over him with a smile. He's holding Louis' shirt in one hand and his whistle in the other, and Louis can see that his cheeks have turned a bit pink from being out in the sun too long. He sits up and takes his shirt from Niall, slipping it over his head before he gets back on his feet.

"Excellent," he finally replies, and Niall smiles.

"Cool." He glances over his shoulder at where a few of the lads have gathered, and as he turns back to Louis he nods his head in their direction. "We've been talking about going to the pub, wanna join?"

"Uhm…" Louis pauses, caught between wanting to say yes and no at the same time. He knows full well he shouldn't turn down the opportunity to make new friends, not when he's made this much of an effort already. Part of him knows that if he says no, he'll go back to his room and his euphoria from the match will dissipate and he'll be left with the same homesickness that's been bringing him down all week. Yet there's still that nervous tug in his stomach that's preventing him from just saying  _yes_.

"You don't have to," Niall says, as if he's worried that Louis' silence means he genuinely doesn't want to come, "just thought it might be fun, having some pints and a laugh, y'know?"

"No," Louis starts, and Niall's face drops, "I mean, yeah, I--" Louis pauses again and takes a deep breath before gritting his teeth and saying, "I'll come. M'always up for pints and a laugh."

"Brilliant." Niall beams. "C'mon then!"

Hours later, somehow Louis finds himself squashed into a booth with far too many people for the size of it and he's lost count of how many pints he's had. The waitress started bringing endless pitchers - some weekend special that Louis didn't understand but went along with anyway - far before they ordered any food and his glass hasn't been fully empty since he sat down. He was well on his way to tipsy before the first round of fried food even made it to the table.

On the way to the pub Louis had promised himself that he wouldn't get rip-roaring drunk because the last time he did, he'd accidentally gotten both himself and Liam kicked out of their favorite pub back home. He still winces when he thinks about the number of glasses he'd broken - on accident - when he decided that he could absolutely juggle no matter how many times Liam told him he couldn't. He's still not entirely sure if he's welcome in that pub anymore, or if they've plastered his face everywhere to warn new employees not to let him enter.

He's determined not to let that happen here in this new pub, especially not when he's surrounded by new friends that he desperately needs to keep himself sane.

The problem is that he's also trying to tamp down the butterflies in his stomach, using alcohol to drown them so he's not constantly aware of their wings fluttering and making him squirm. Possibly a good idea in theory but in practice all it's doing is making it easier for Louis to run his mouth and that's going to be what gets him into trouble.

He's been making the others laugh all night, cracking jokes and making wild accusations about the other patrons of the pub as though he knows anything about them at all. Louis loves being the center of attention and thrives on having all eyes on him, but there's one set in particular that he finds himself drawn to most of all: Niall's.

It's been clear from the start that it's easy to get a good laugh out of Niall, but Louis is fascinated with the way Niall's eyes crinkle and he throws his whole body into his laughter. More often than not Niall ends up knocking into one of the other lads while in the midst of a fit of giggles and they're so contagious that nobody can ever be cross with him, not even if he spills their drink.

It's addicting, and Louis is already too far gone to think about how dangerous something like that can be.

If he were sober he'd be thinking about Liam; wondering what Liam's doing on a Saturday night, trying not to imagine Liam out on the town with Harry doing god knows what. Liam's crossed his mind a few times over the course of the night, but never long enough to allow Louis to do something stupid like drunkenly dial his phone number.

In a rare moment of drunken clarity, Louis thinks to himself that maybe it's for the best that he's had far too many pints. He glances over at Niall, ignoring the boy between them in favor of catching Niall's eye. Louis loses his chance when he's distracted by Oli, the boy sitting next to him, sliding under the table to get out of the booth.

"What're you doing?!" he shouts with a loud laugh.

"Need a wee!" Oli shouts back, muffled by the table. He cheers triumphantly when he emerges from the other side, stumbling over his feet as he makes his way towards the toilet.

The table erupts in laughter but Louis hears Niall over the rest, and he turns to look at him again. He takes advantage of the empty space between them and slides closer to sling his arm around Niall's shoulder and knock their heads together. He misses the mark of doing it gently and winces as Niall lifts a hand to push his head away and rub at his own temple.

"Idiot," Niall teases with a smile.

"Shut it," Louis replies. "Pour me another pint."

"Get it yourself."

Louis frowns and reaches his hand across Niall's stomach and pinches his skin through his shirt, grinning wickedly when Niall smacks at his hand.

"C'mon," Louis says as he leans his cheek against Niall's shoulder, "I'll share."

"Alright, alright," Niall mutters as he leans forward to grab the pitcher from the middle of the table along with Louis' abandoned glass. Louis' hand drops from his shoulder when he moves and trails down his back, stopping just before it reaches the start of his trousers. Louis slips his hand under the hem of Niall's shirt and lets his fingers wander across the small of Niall's back, smiling when Niall shivers.

When Niall leans back, Louis slips his arm around Niall's waist instead of going back around his shoulder and he smiles as Niall hands him the glass.

"Thanks, mate." He keeps smiling as he brings the glass to his lips, pressing his fingers into the curve of Niall's hip. Louis notices the way Niall's breath catches, giving him an innocent look when he turns an accusing eye.

"Thought you were going to share," Niall says as he lays his hand on Louis' thigh, probably aiming for casual but Louis' body is buzzing so much that it feels electric.

Louis raises his eyebrows before he passes his now half-empty glass over to Niall, waiting until he has the glass in hand before he distracts him by swallowing deeply and licking his lips. Niall's eyes follow the movement and Louis smirks as he digs his fingers into Niall's hip again. Niall swears under his breath and his hand tightens around Louis' hip as he gulps down the rest of the pint, staring back at Louis all the while.

"Why didn't you play today?" Louis asks, resting his cheek against Niall's shoulder again and tipping his head back to speak directly into his ear.

"Bum knee," Niall replies as he runs his finger along the inside seam of Louis' trackies. Louis makes a sympathetic noise and frowns as he slips his hand under Niall's shirt and presses his hand against the hot skin he finds there.

"That's no good," Louis muses, "and here I thought you just wanted an excuse to watch fit lads run around without shirts."

Niall laughs and presses closer to Louis as he says, "well, that's just a bonus, innit? Can't play but I love to watch."

"Is that so?" Louis quirks his eyebrows and Niall laughs again, softer and more nervous than before. "Cheeky, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Niall replies with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders. Louis lifts his head from Niall's shoulder and his eyes dart back and forth between Niall's eyes and lips, licking his own as Niall stares back at him.

He knows that he could lean in at any moment and have more of a chance of actually kissing Niall than getting pushed away, but he hesitates. As drunk as Louis is, he's still aware that they're in a public place and surrounded by ten or more other blokes who may or may not be alright with the two of them kissing. None of them have noticed thus far that Niall and Louis are so close, but he can't help but suspect that if they started kissing they'd notice fairly quickly.

"Think maybe I should be going," Louis mumbles as he drops his eyes down to stare at Niall's hand on his thigh. Niall groans softly and curls his fingers around the loose material of Louis' trackies as if that's going to make Louis take it back.

"It's still early," Niall says, jutting out his bottom lip in a pout.

"Been a long day for some of us," Louis teases, "I didn't spend all day blowing things, y'know."

"Not a bad way to spend a day, if you ask me." Niall grins.

Louis bites his lip to stifle a moan as he feels his cock stir between his legs and he has to clench his free hand to keep it at his side. Niall slides his hand further up Louis' thigh like he knows exactly what he's done but stops before he goes too far.

"What're you doing tomorrow?" Louis asks.

"Think I'm open, if you're offering."

"Gimme your phone."

Louis programs his number into Niall's phone -  **Louis, the fit one ;)**  - and hands it back to him before he pulls himself away from Niall and out of the booth. He says his goodbyes to the others, promising to come back for another match in a week, but he locks eyes with Niall and winks before he leaves the table.

He sobers up on his walk back to his dormitory, but he feels giddy as ever as he falls into bed. He pulls his phone from the pocket of his trackies and thumbs through his inbox. He bypasses a text from Liam -  **hope you had fun at footie! :)**  - to open one from an unknown number, knowing full well who it is.

**hey, it's niall ! so about tomorrow… :)**

Louis hides his grin in his pillow before he opens a new message and types out a reply.

**i think we can figure something out ;)**

Louis switches his phone to silent and puts it on his bedside table before quickly turning off his light to avoid waking up his roommate. He remembers Liam's text while he's lying awake in the darkness, but doesn't make a move to grab his phone again. It's late, and Liam usually goes to bed early anyway. Louis will text him in the morning, it'll be alright.

*

"I met someone," Louis blurts out in the middle of Liam's retelling of what had happened earlier that day in his Composition class. Admittedly, it's not the best way to break the news of Niall to Liam, but Louis has been stewing about it for a few days and simply couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.

"Oh?" Liam sounds interested - like, genuinely interested - and somehow that makes it even worse.

"Yeah," Louis mumbles, "met him at footie. His name's Niall."

"That's great, Lou! What's he like?"

"He's a good kisser," Louis says before he can stop himself and he cringes at the silence that follows. He doesn't know why he said that, it's not like Liam's been bragging about snogging Harry - fuck, Louis doesn't even know if they're  _like that_  but it's been eating away at him ever since Liam first brought him up. He really needs to get a handle on his inferiority complex.

He doesn't want to use Niall to make Liam jealous, because what good would that do? He'd only end up hurting both of them in the end and he doesn't want that at all. Louis genuinely likes Niall and, well, he really is a good kisser.

Louis flushes a bit when he remembers the events of just a few days before, the Sunday after the first footie match when he'd spent time with Niall, just the two of them. They'd gone to the student union for lunch and just stayed there talking long after their food had been eaten. There had been a lull in their conversation and Niall took the opportunity to lean over and press his lips to Louis', pulling back quickly as his cheeks turned pink.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly, "wanted to do that last night."

"Me too," Louis answered after swallowing harshly. Niall turned his head to meet Louis' eye as Louis tentatively reached out to link their fingers together. His heart was pounding as Niall leaned in again, waiting for Louis to close the gap between their lips.

Louis hadn't let it go any further that day, even after they'd left the student union and gone back to Niall's single room in his dormitory. He'd apologized profusely, writing it off as nerves even as Niall said it was okay over and over again with a smile on his face.

"M'not expecting everything all at once," he said with a soft laugh. "Just like kissing you, is all."

"I like kissing you too," Louis mumbled back, his cheeks red as he bit his bottom lip to keep Niall from seeing just how much he was smiling at the thought. But his smile didn't cancel out the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Now, as he was talking to Liam, the feeling was back and it made Louis feel like throwing up everywhere.

It's stupid, really. Louis knows this is what they - or really, he - meant by making his relationship with Liam an open one, but somehow the idea in practice was far worse than the idea in theory had been. Somewhere deep down, Louis had thought that maybe he wouldn't find anyone at uni and neither would Liam. Maybe they'd figure out a way to be together, just them, even with the distance.

"I didn't mean that, idiot," Liam says with a laugh, snapping Louis out of his thoughts and crashing back down into reality. "Is he good at footie, like you?"

"He's got a bum knee so he can't play," Louis replies, his mouth running on autopilot while his brain tries to process the fact that Liam doesn't sound bothered at all. "He thinks he's a referee, got his own whistle and everything."

"Sounds like a laugh," Liam says, his voice becoming softer as he adds, "m'glad you found someone, Lou."

"He's not you," Louis mumbles, unsure if he wants Liam to hear it or not. Liam laughs in response and Louis feels his heart clench and knows he heard it.

"I should hope not. That'd be weird, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah," Louis answers, "weird."

The rest of their conversation feels stilted to Louis but Liam makes no indication that he feels it as well, he tells Louis to have a good day and he'll talk to him later just like he always does. When Louis hangs up the phone he can't help but wonder if Liam is going to see Harry today, even though he made no mention of having plans to do so.

He's so lost in his own thoughts deep inside his head that he blindly walks to Niall's dormitory and doesn't realize he's made it there until Niall's suddenly in front of him.

"You alright?" Niall asks as he leads Louis into his room and closes the door. Somewhere between one second and the next Louis pins Niall against his door and kisses him harder than he's ever done before.

"Sorry," Louis says breathlessly when he pulls back.

"Don't be," Niall replies, his eyes bright as the stares at Louis. "What brought that on?"

"Dunno," Louis lets out a mildly hysterical laugh, "just… wanted to."

"Okay," Niall says with a laugh only slightly more confident than the one Louis just gave. Louis wonders if Niall is just as confused as he is, or if Niall's just nervous because he's acting so strangely. He forces a smile and takes Niall's hand in his own, gently pulling him over towards his own bed until they're both sitting on it.

They sit in silence for a few moments with Niall looking at Louis and Louis staring at the floor. It's not that he can't look Niall in the eye, it's just that he's not quite sure what will happen if he does.

"So..." Niall says with a hesitant laugh as he knocks his hand against Louis' where it's resting on the duvet. Louis takes a deep breath as he turns to face Niall and leans towards him in one fell swoop, bringing their lips together in another hard kiss.

He presses Niall down against the bed and climbs on top of him, only partially aware of the fact that he's managing to keep space between their hips. Niall's arms loop around his back and try to pull him closer, succeeding only when Louis falls to one side and curls against Niall's side as they keep kissing. Niall slides his hand down to Louis' waist and his fingers slip underneath the hem of Louis' shirt, skating across the bare skin of his belly and causing goosebumps in their wake. Louis inhales sharply when he feels a cautious finger trace over the button of his jeans, and he pulls back entirely when Niall gives it an experimental tug.

"Sorry," Niall breathes out immediately as he puts his hand back around Louis' waist, clinging to him as though he's afraid Louis will disappear from his arms. "Too fast?"

"I..." Louis takes another deep breath and shuts his eyes as he exhales, dropping his head onto Niall's shoulder as he searches his mind for the right words. "I don't know."

"If... if you don't want..." Niall tries to get Louis to look at him and Louis hates the uncertain tone of his voice, it makes him feel like even more of a coward than he already does.

"I do, but..." Louis groans pathetically. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Niall assures him, "have you... am I the first--"

"No," Louis answers quickly as he lifts his head, "no, fuck, you're not the first boy I've kissed."

"Can't be too sure," Niall laughs. Louis offers a smile and groans softly. He knows he's handling this extremely poorly but he can't get a hold of his thoughts long enough to figure out what to say.

"It's just--" Louis starts, but then his voice gives out and he groans again. Niall taps his fingers against Louis' back and hums curiously.

"Is there someone else?" he asks quietly.

"Not... exactly." Louis sighs deeply. "I had a boyfriend, back home, but now we're, like..."

"Not dating?"

"Not dating, but dating?" Louis lets out a pathetic groan and buries his head against Niall's shoulder and starts speaking into his shirt as if that will make the situation easier. "Do you hate me? I'd hate me."

"No, I don't hate you." Niall laughs. "I'm confused, but I don't hate you."

"Join the club." Louis huffs. "M'confused all the time." He lifts his head from Niall's shoulder and slowly looks at him, half afraid that Niall's somehow going to change his mind in the next ten seconds. "But I like you."

Niall grins. "Good. I like you too."

Louis can't help himself, he kisses Niall again even though his head's still stuck on Liam. At this point he's not sure if he's kissing Niall because he really wants to or if he's trying to prove to himself that he can be with someone who isn't Liam. The moment that thought crosses his mind happens to coincide with the moment Niall tries to shift them around a bit, and Louis pulls away again.

"Shit," he mumbles, "sorry, I'm sorry."

"Wasn't even trying nothing that time," Niall says, and Louis groans.

"It's not you," he swears, "you're lovely and fit and..."

"Go on!" Niall laughs.

"I just... I haven't been with anyone except..." Louis trails off and Niall nods in understanding.

"We don't have to, y'know," Niall waves a hand around and Louis chuckles softly, "we can just be casual, or whatever. Mates who snog sometimes. And think about each other in the shower."

"Is that right?" Louis smirks, in spite of himself. Niall is just so  _charming_ , is the thing. Even with how messed up Louis' head is, Niall can still get a laugh out of him.

"Might've done already." Niall shrugs. "To be fair, you did make me stare at your chest a lot last Saturday."

Louis squawks. "I did no such thing."

"Did so." Louis pinches Niall's chest and Niall quickly grabs his hand to keep him from doing it again.

"You made my team skins! What was I supposed to do?"

"Should've taken your trackies off as well." Niall grins widely as he lets go of Louis' hand. "Distracted me from your chest."

Louis' cheeks burn scarlet and he can't keep from smiling, especially not when Niall traces his finger along the ridge of his cheekbone and smiles at him. Louis is in so deep already, and somewhere in the last few minutes he's stopped thinking about Liam entirely. He leans down and brushes his nose against Niall's before giving him a short, chaste kiss. Niall's still smiling at him when he pulls away and Louis' cheeks are starting to hurt from how much he's been smiling around Niall.

"You okay?" Niall asks softly as he brushes some of Louis' hair out of his face before tapping his nose with the tip of his finger. Louis catches his hand with his own and kisses the same finger before he pulls Niall's arm around him again.

"Kiss me."

Niall happily obliges, and this time Louis is the one who presses closer. He wraps a firm hand around Niall's hip and digs his fingers into the flesh there as he listens to Niall moan into his own mouth. He drags his hand across Niall's waist and presses the palm of his hand over Niall's groin, latching his lips against Niall's neck when he breaks away to curse softly.

"S-Still good?" Niall manages to say as Louis keeps his hand right where it is, pressed hard against the front of Niall's jeans. He whimpers when Louis squeezes and coaxes him to get even harder by rubbing him through the thick denim.

"Yeah," Louis answers breathlessly, his voice cracking when Niall's hand drops to his jeans and tugs at the first button again. Louis lets him keep going this time, kissing him harder as Niall undoes the fly and gets a hand on him through his pants.

"You should..." Niall breaks off with a groan and Louis sits up slightly to look at him, panting as he takes in the flush of Niall's cheeks and the wild-eyed look in his eyes.

"What?"

"Take your shirt off."

"So should you," Louis replies with a grin as he sits up properly to pull his shirt over his head, helping Niall do the same once he's finished. While Niall is preoccupied with getting his shirt over his head, Louis takes the opportunity to undo the buttons on Niall's jeans and tug them down around his thighs so when he repositions himself over Niall, there's only the thin fabric of their pants between them.

"Shit," Niall breathes out before he pulls Louis into another kiss. Louis whimpers as their hips grind together and Niall grabs his waist roughly.

"Yeah," Louis grunts as he keeps grinding down against Niall, their kiss becoming sloppier as they both chase their orgasms by rubbing off on each other. Niall brings both of his hands down to cup Louis' bum and squeezes as hard as he can, groaning as Louis starts sucking a mark into the pale skin of his neck.

Louis whines and bucks his hips faster against Niall as he keeps his face pressed against his neck. Niall reaches up and twists his fingers in Louis' hair to pull his head back so he can kiss him messily, moaning into his mouth as they rut against each other.

"Close," Niall grunts, "Louis--"

"Me too," Louis moans, "shit, Niall,  _shit_..."

He comes first, shooting off in his pants as he keeps rubbing against Niall's hip. He groans roughly as Niall's fingers grip his hair even tighter when he comes, making more of a mess between them. Louis collapses against Niall, both of them breathing heavily as they still cling to each other with ever-slowing motions of their hips to ride out the aftershocks.

"So much for casual," Niall says with a breathless laugh as Louis rolls off of him.

"What're you talking about?" Louis smirks. "I do this with all my mates. Totally casual."

"You're an idiot," Niall says fondly as he turns onto his side and kisses Louis' bare shoulder. "But I like you."

Louis blushes as he leans over to press his lips against Niall's. "I like you too."

*

The more time Louis spends with Niall the more at home he feels at uni, but he still can't make the sinking feeling of homesickness in the pit of his stomach he gets every time he talks to Liam to go away. He tries avoiding Liam's calls and not answering his texts, but that tends to make things worse and he ends up calling or texting him anyway.

His classes become more interesting as the semester progresses and he keeps going to the footie club every Saturday, occasionally using it as an excuse to drive Niall a little crazy before they can be alone together. It's not his fault that he always happens to be on the skins side, but wearing trackies that are perhaps just a bit too tight across his bum is definitely on purpose.

Louis tries his best not to see Niall as a distraction from missing Liam, but sometimes he worries that he's latching on to him for just that reason and the guilt eats at him when he's alone. The fact that he's been leading Niall to believe that his best friend and his boyfriend are two different people as opposed to the same person adds to his guilt exponentially, but unfortunately he can't figure out a way (or work up the courage) to tell the truth.

The truth is that Louis didn't mean to lie, but he found it easier to talk about Liam when he was just "my best mate".

Liam, on the other hand, doesn't share that hesitation at all according to what he tells Louis about him and Harry. Part of Louis wishes that Liam wouldn't tell him about any of his time with Harry, but the crueler and selfishly curious part of himself outweighs it by a long shot.

He hasn't come right out and ask Liam if they've fucked, but he's certainly come close.

"Tell me more about your night," Louis says as he stretches out on his bed. Liam laughs into the phone and Louis doesn't stop himself from dragging his hand down his chest towards his trousers. He's been a bit turned on all day thanks to a dirty text from Niall early this morning, but he isn't done with classes for another hour or so and Louis isn't above having Liam get him off in the meantime.

"Harry came 'round, but you knew that."

"Yeah, but what'd you  _do_?" Louis presses the heel of his hand against himself and groans softly, but Liam somehow manages to pick up on it.

"Are you getting off on this?"

"Well not yet, I'm not." Louis huffs. "You haven't told me anything."

"You're so weird, Lou." Liam sighs. "I miss you."

Louis shuts his eyes and drops his hand down onto the bed. Liam is truly a master of the unintentional mood killer.

"I miss you too."

"Just a few more weeks, then it's home for Christmas and your birthday!" Liam sounds so excited that Louis can't find it in his heart to be annoyed.

"My birthday first, you know better."

"Of course," Liam says fondly. "I've been thinking about what to get you all semester."

"Liam," Louis groans. "Don't tell me, it's supposed to be a surprise!"

"I wasn't going to tell! I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't going to forget."

"I know you wouldn't." Louis sighs softly. "Besides, if you did I'd have to sit on your mum's lawn and pelt snowballs at the house as revenge."

"You do that anyway," Liam points out. "Until your mum yells at you, that is."

Louis laughs. "Just the one time."

"You nearly broke a window."

"You wouldn't come out!"

"I was on my way!" Liam laughs. "You're so impatient, y'know. I wouldn't be surprised if you're sitting on our doorstep waiting for me when I get home."

"Might do, if I get back before you." Louis smiles. "Maybe I'll con your mum into letting me wait inside the house. In your bed."

"Dunno if she'd allow that," Liam laughs, "but I'd love it."

"Damn right you would." Louis smiles to himself and lifts his hand up from the bed and rests it against his belly, teasing his fingers along the edge of his jeans. Maybe he can get Liam back on track after all.

But then he hears a bit of a commotion on Liam's end; a door slamming and excited shouting followed by a crash that takes Liam's attention away from him and he doesn't like it at all.

"Liam," he demands as he slams his fist against his bed in frustration, "what's going on?"

"Sorry," Liam answers quickly, "Harry just got here, he's a bit clumsy and knocked some stuff over."

"Oh," Louis mumbles, "do you have to go?"

"No, not yet. Unless you do?"

"No." Louis can't help feeling a bit put out, even if Liam hasn't ditched him just yet.

"Harry says hi," Liam tells him, and then he covers the phone because Louis can hear muffled talking but can't make out what they're saying. "Oh! I nearly forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Louis braces himself for whatever this could be, fearing for the worst. He doesn't even know what the worst could be but his brain apparently doesn't care at all.

"Harry's going to visit over the break, around New Years. You'll get to meet him!" Liam's beaming as he says it, Louis can hear it in his voice. "Isn't that great?"

"Yeah," Louis replies as he clears his throat. "Brilliant."

"He wants you to know that he can't wait to meet you," Liam laughs. "No, stop it, you can't have my phone!"

"I'm excited to meet him too," Louis says, even if his hands have started to shake a bit and his heart is beating faster than normal. He's been imagining Harry as an abstract up until now, he doesn't know how to process the idea of meeting him for real.

"M'sorry, Harry's being a menace." Liam's talking more to Harry than to him, Louis can tell. This is supposed to be his time with Liam, as selfish as that sounds, but there's still a voice in his head saying that it's his own fault that Liam's gotten so close to Harry.

"Maybe I should let you go, then," Louis says softly, unsure of how he really means what he's saying.

"Might be for the best," Liam laughs. Louis shuts his eyes, suddenly filled with the urge to cry and stamp his feet and demand that Liam pay attention to him and him alone. "I'll text you later, though, yeah?"

"Alright," Louis chokes out as he clears his throat. "Have fun."

"Bye, Lou. Talk to you later! Miss you."

Louis doesn't say anything in return and hangs up before Liam can do it first. He drops his phone onto the bed and turns onto his side away from it, curling up into a ball as he lets his misery run rampant in his mind.

He doesn't know why he can't let himself be happy for Liam when Liam seems to have no problem with him and Niall. It's a double standard and Louis  _hates_  that he can't just let it go.

Perhaps it would be better if Louis didn't know what Harry looked like. Then maybe he wouldn't be able to picture them together and drive himself mad. But he'd already made the mistake of looking through Liam's tagged photos on Facebook the month before and he'd seen more than just a few of him with Harry.

Whether or not Louis spent ages on Harry's profile is beside the point. As is whether or not Louis finds him attractive as well. If anything, it just makes everything infinitely more difficult to deal with.

Frustrated with himself and unable to keep still, Louis ends up leaving his dormitory and goes to Niall's even though he's not there yet. He sits outside of Niall's building and gets lost in his own head, tormenting himself by imagining the two of them together in Liam's bed. The images are vivid in Louis' mind, though Liam's dorm room looks suspiciously like Louis' own and suddenly a fantasy is born within his mind where Liam and Harry are showing off for  _him_.

Even though it's chilly outside, given that it's mid-November, Louis has to unzip his jacket in order to get his breathing under control and he wipes his sweaty palms off on his jeans while his mind continues to run wild.

He can hear Liam's voice in his head; he remembers the sound of Liam's moans and if he shuts his eyes he can feel Liam's hands on him. He lets out a sharp breath as he pictures himself between Liam and Harry, feeling their hands roam over his skin as they both kiss and bite at his neck. Louis' jeans feel too tight and he squirms on the bench, wishing he could just shove a hand down the front of them and get himself off. He needs to touch, be touched, something.

Louis nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a hand on his shoulder and his eyes snap open to see Niall standing next to him with a curious look on his face.

"You alright?" he asks. "I called your name but you didn't answer."

"Yeah," Louis replies shakily as he gets to his feet, shivering slightly as the sweat on his brow cools against his skin. He all but slumps against Niall, who wraps his arms around Louis in a hug, moaning softly in relief at the contact.

"You sure?" Niall asks. He sounds worried now and Louis turns his head to press his lips against Niall's, some distant part of his mind thinking that's what will convince Niall he's okay.

In reality it sets Louis' body on fire again and he grips Niall tightly, helpless against grinding his hips into Niall's and letting him feel how hard he's gotten. Niall kisses back and groans into Louis' mouth but pushes him away with a soft laugh.

"Down, boy." He grins and leans in to put his mouth to Louis' ear. "Wait til we get upstairs before you pull your cock out."

"Upstairs," Louis grunts in return, tugging on Niall's hand and pulling him inside as quick as he can.

Louis drops to his knees as soon as the door is closed, before Niall can even put his bag down. He's practically tearing at Niall's jeans after he rucks up his shirt and attaches his lips to the soft skin of Niall's belly. A mark forms in the time it takes Louis to pull Niall's jeans and pants down to his thighs, but he abandons it as soon as Niall's cock is free and eagerly sucks it into his mouth and moans in satisfaction.

"Jesus Christ," Niall curses above him as his hands drop to the back of Louis' head and his fingers curl into his hair. "Shit, what's gotten into you?"

Louis moans around his cock again before he pulls off and stares up at Niall with dark eyes as he mutters, "nothing yet."

Niall moans loudly when Louis wraps his mouth around his cock again and sucks as hard as he can while his hands grab Niall's arse and urge him to fuck forward into Louis' mouth. The words coming out of Niall's mouth are filthy - they always are, he's got the dirtiest mouth Louis has ever heard - and it spurs Louis to work even harder to get Niall off.

"Fuck, Lou, your mouth is so fucking good. Gonna make me come so fast, fuck," he groans helplessly and rocks his hips forward, fucking his cock deeper into Louis' mouth. Louis scrambles to get his own jeans open and wrap one hand around himself while keeping the other firmly against Niall's arse. He jerks himself off harder than he has in a while but he's so worked up from his mind running rampant that he knows he won't last much longer than Niall, if he even does.

He whimpers around Niall's cock as he comes in thick ropes all over his hand, and he knows Niall must've been watching him because he grunts "look so fucking good, shit, shit, fuck!" and fills Louis' mouth so fast that he has to pull off so he doesn't choke. Niall hasn't finished, he keeps coming even after Louis pulls off and he gets come all over Louis' face but can't string enough words together to apologize.

Louis doesn't even care, he stands up on wobbly knees and kisses Niall with his mouth still half full of his come. Niall groans but doesn't pull away, he grips Louis' hips and pulls him flush against his body to rub their cocks together even though they're both ridiculously sensitive. Louis still feels frantic and finds himself wanting to grind against Niall until he comes all over both of them, until Niall's hands find their way down from his hips to his arse and suddenly Louis wants even more.

"Fuck me," he groans into Niall's mouth.

"Now?" Niall pants, cursing roughly as Louis bites at his neck.

"Yeah," Louis says desperately against the skin of Niall's neck. "Lemme get you hard again, you can open me up and I'll sit on your cock," he moans, "please, Niall, want you to fuck me."

"Jesus," Niall breathes out, and he tries to get Louis to look him in the eye. "You sure?"

"Please," Louis whimpers. "Please, I want your cock in me."

Niall takes a deep breath and shudders before he forcefully pushes Louis back and nods toward the bed. "Lay down," he says breathlessly.

Louis sighs in relief as he collapses onto Niall's bed and strips off his shirt and pulls his jeans and pants off completely. He watches Niall's eyes roam over his naked body and he smirks because he thinks he knows what's coming.

Niall doesn't crawl on top of him immediately, he goes over to his desk and rummages around in one of his drawers. Louis assumes he's looking for lube until Niall pulls out a pack of cleaning wipes and he shuffles over to sit down on the bed next to Louis, his jeans still only pushed down around his thighs. Louis stares at him strangely as Niall pulls out a wipe and starts gently cleaning off his face, pulling out another to clean his hand and stomach of jizz.

"Niall, what--" Louis goes to ask but Niall shushes him until he's finished cleaning and tosses the wipes into his bin. Niall then pulls his clothes the rest of the way off and lies down next to Louis who thinks that this is finally it and gives Niall a lewd grin.

"Now, what's gotten into you?" Niall asks, dodging Louis' mouth when he leans over for a kiss. He's floored, his brain can't process why they're both naked in bed but Niall isn't fucking him yet.

"You're serious? Do we have to do this now?"

"You're acting weird," Niall says, "don't get me wrong," he says quickly when Louis starts to look offended, "that was incredible and I'd love nothing more than to fuck you, but--"

"So why aren't you getting me ready?" Louis interrupts as he tries to crawl on top of Niall, but he gets pushed away.

"I wanna make sure you're alright, Lou." Niall frowns. "I don't want you to regret this."

"I'm not a fucking virgin, I told you that," Louis snaps. "If you don't want to fuck me, I'll find someone who will."

"Louis," Niall says as he grabs Louis' arm before he can slide off the bed, climbing on top of Louis to keep him from getting away. "What's wrong?"

"What's  _wrong_  is I want you to fuck me and you're not fucking me."

"Did something happen?" Niall presses further. "Is everything alright with your mum?"

"I'm naked in your bed, begging you to fuck me, and you ask about my mum?" Louis groans in annoyance but Niall doesn't give up.

"Is it Liam? Or your other boyfriend?"

Louis stiffens without realizing it, and then slumps against the bed because he knows Niall noticed it and now he's never going to let it go.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Louis mumbles, dodging Niall's gaze. He just wants to have sex, why won't Niall have sex with him?

"Louis," Niall says sadly, "please tell me?"

"Will you fuck me if I tell you?" Niall rolls his eyes.

"Yes, Louis," he deadpans, "if you tell me what's wrong I'll fuck you into next week. Promise."

"You'd better," Louis grumbles.

He doesn't know how to begin, and part of him thinks that maybe if he stays quiet long enough Niall will get impatient and fuck him instead. But Niall keeps staring at him with an expectant look and doesn't say a word, silently urging Louis to get his thoughts together and tell him what's bothering him so much. It's both frustrating and endearing, and it makes Louis feel even worse.

"He met someone." Louis huffs. "My boyfriend, he... he met someone and now he's coming to visit for New Years."

"Okay?" Niall bites his bottom lip and laughs when Louis shrugs. "Are you cross that he's found someone or that this someone is going to visit?"

"M'not cross--"

"Alright," Niall interrupts in a skeptical tone. Louis pinches his nipple.

" _M'not_. I just... dunno what to do."

"What's Liam say about all this?"

"He thinks it's brilliant," Louis answers with another huff as he turns his head and drops his gaze to the sheets beneath him. "I know I shouldn't be..."

"Cross?" Louis pinches his nipple again and Niall flicks his nose in retaliation.

"I mean," Louis sighs softly, "I've got you, haven't I? Can't fault him for doing what I've already done, especially when we agreed it was for the best."

"That's true," Niall replies as he leans down and lightly brushes his lips against Louis' in a kiss. "That'd be shit, if you did."

"Thanks," Louis says flatly and Niall kisses him again.

"You just want to be liked best, don't you?" Niall teases. "Always want things your way, it's a wonder you're not an only child."

"Oi," Louis grumbles, "thought you were going to  _listen_ , not take the piss out of me."

"Sorry," Niall mumbles with another kiss. "Go on, then."

"What if it's weird? What if they snog in front of me and I--" Louis pauses, the mere mention of the possibility makes his stomach go all warm and twisty and he's sure Niall can feel his dick stir where it's caught between them. It's very inconvenient to pop a boner in the middle of a conversation, especially when Niall has made it clear they have to talk about this now.

"Been thinking about that, have you?" Niall shifts on top of Louis, creating friction that makes Louis let out a desperate moan. "Cheeky."

"What if I have?" Louis moans again when Niall slides off of him and wraps his hand loosely around Louis' dick. He chuckles and starts stroking it so slowly that Louis whines, "fucking tease."

"Incentive," Niall tells him. "By the time we've got this figured out, I'll have you ready for my cock."

"Figure what out?" Louis gasps when Niall lets go of his cock and presses a dry finger against his hole. "Niall..."

"Sounds to me like you're afraid of being excluded more than anything else," Niall says as he keeps teasing his finger around Louis' hole. "Like you're afraid you'll be shut out of your boyfriend's New Years if this new boy is there."

"Maybe," Louis answers shakily as he frantically grasps at the pillow beneath his head. "Lube, Niall,  _please_."

Niall chuckles again before he leans over Louis to grab his bottle of lube and a condom from the nightstand drawer. He repositions himself as he slicks up his finger and Louis whimpers as he waits.

"Maybe you want to be in the middle," Niall muses as he presses his finger in slowly. "Maybe what you want most of all is to have this new boy like you as much as your boyfriend does." He pushes his finger in further and Louis groans. "As much as I do," he adds softly.

"Yes," Louis moans. "W-Want that."

"Want what?" Niall asks with a smirk.

"Everything," Louis gasps as Niall drips more lube on his hole and pushes in a second finger.

"Yeah? Greedy, aren't you? Want everyone to like you, want them to kiss you, fuck you?"

"Yeah," Louis moans brokenly. "Wanna get fucked," he begs as he rocks down onto Niall's fingers.

"Know you do. Bet you'd love having those two here right now to see me fuck you. Show them how much you're wanted, make them want you more."

"Want, want," Louis babbles, crying out as Niall pushes in a third finger. "Fuck me, please, Niall, want it."

"Know you do. But we're not done yet." He keeps his three fingers buried in Louis, twisting and stretching him as he keeps talking. "Would you share me with them?"

"What?" Louis gasps. He can hardly think; he's so preoccupied with the way Niall's fingers are filling him up and the image of him being passed around between Niall, Liam, and Harry that his head is spinning out of control.

"Bet you'd love seeing me and them together, showing off just for you. Get you off just from watching. God, I'd come so hard watching you with them, I just know it."

"Pervert," Louis chokes out before a long moan as Niall presses against his prostate. "Fuck, yes."

"Yeah, love to watch," Niall groans as he leans down and licks at the head of Louis' cock. "You look so good, Lou, shit."

"Niall," Louis whimpers loudly, "please, need your cock in me."

"Yeah," Niall sounds almost as desperate as Louis feels. He pulls his fingers out and quickly gets the condom on while Louis rocks his hips down against the bed, his hole clenching as he whimpers needily.

They both hold their breath as Niall pushes in, staying silent until he's bottomed out and their bodies are pressed flush against each other.

"Fuck, Niall, fuck," Louis moans as he claws at Niall's back, urging him to move already.

"Shit," Niall breathes out shakily, "you feel so fucking good, Lou." He moves his hips back experimentally, rocking them into Louis in short bursts that make him shudder with every thrust.

"Fuck me," Louis groans as he tugs on Niall's hair and presses his face into Niall's neck. "Want you to come."

"Already?" Niall laughs breathlessly, grunting harshly as he starts fucking Louis properly, his hips slapping against Louis' arse.

"No," Louis grunts, " for New Years. Come. Fuck." He sinks his teeth into Niall's neck and squeezes his hand between them to start jerking himself off as fast as he can. He wants to come with Niall's cock in him so badly he feels like he's going to explode.

"Yeah?" Niall moans. "Yeah, I'll come. Come to your house, fuck you in your bed. Have your boy and your boy's boy watch. I'll fuck them too, let you watch. Watch you fuck them. God, it'd be so fucking hot, Lou. That what you want? Want us all to fuck you into the new year?"

"Yes, yes, fuck, yes," Louis sobs as his cock jerks and he comes all over the two of them, his hand not slowing down even when it starts to hurt. He doesn't want to stop coming, not while Niall's fucking him and he's imagining the three of them taking turns with him. He's never come so hard in his life and he wants more.

"Shit, Lou, you feel fucking amazing when you come. Gonna-- shit, I'm gonna fucking come," Niall shouts as he slams his hips into Louis and comes, panting and grunting as he rides out his orgasm. Louis finally lets go of his own cock and grabs Niall's arse, smearing his come against Niall's skin as he urges him to keep going.

"Niall," he moans brokenly. "More," he begs, "please."

"Jesus," Niall breathes out harshly. "I'm fucking spent, Lou. Wish I could fuck you forever."

Louis whines pathetically when Niall slowly pulls out, and his hand starts going for his cock again. Niall watches the movement and catches Louis' wrist before he can make it.

"Don't hurt yourself, Lou."

"Wanna come again." Louis jerks his hips up and his cock bounces against his stomach. "Feels so good."

"Didn't I fuck you enough?" Niall says as he leans down and licks up some of the come around Louis' dick. Louis moans wantonly and Niall laughs against his skin. "Fuck, you really do want it, don't you?"

Louis nods even though his cock feels so sensitive that Niall's breath feels like agony against it. He doesn't know why he wants to come again, he knows it'll probably hurt like hell but he still feels so needy and starved for attention that he doesn't care.

Niall doesn't touch his cock, instead he drops down further between Louis' legs and pushes his legs up and apart before he licks over Louis' hole. Louis cries out a loud  _fuck yes_  and his hands find their way into Niall's hair and pull him close until there's no space between his mouth and Louis' arse. Niall moans into it and Louis shouts at the feeling, cursing and begging Niall not to stop. He can feel his third orgasm already burning in his belly and he chases it hungrily, riding Niall's face as hard as he can.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he screams as he comes, his cock twitching and spilling more come into the mess on his belly. It hurts and feels amazing at the same time, and Louis almost passes out.

"Louis?" Niall says softly as he hovers over him, brushing his hair out of his face and kissing his cheek as Louis blinks wearily at him.

"Hi," he says dreamily with a dopey smile.

"Hi," Niall laughs and kisses his forehead. "Proper fucked yet?"

"Definitely," Louis answers with a satisfied groan. "Everything feels... floaty."

"Good." Niall lies down next to him and Louis curls into his side, tucking his head into the crook of Niall's shoulder. They lay in silence and hold each other tightly as Louis' head stops feeling all fuzzy. After a while, Niall presses a kiss to the top of his head and whispers, "d'you really want me to come for New Years?"

"Yeah," Louis whispers cautiously, afraid Niall might back out now that they're not caught up in the heat of the moment. It won't solve everything that's going wrong in Louis' head and it might be a total disaster, but for some reason now that it's been dangled in front of him, Louis  _really_  wants it.

"Okay," Niall answers with a shaky breath. "I'll come. Meet this mysterious boy of yours."

"Yeah," Louis repeats as he shuts his eyes.

This is such a bad idea but he can't stop himself from wanting it. He just has to hope that everything will work out.

*

Louis was almost as terrified as he was excited to go home for the Christmas holidays. He couldn't wait to see his mum and sisters, and to not have to deal with exams or uni for a few weeks, but the thought of seeing Liam again for the first time in ages had Louis practically shaking with unease and fear. What if something had changed in the time they'd been apart and nothing felt like it used to? What if all their texts and phone calls over the last few months meant nothing at all and they were completely different people now?

All Louis can do is close his eyes and take deep breaths as he sits on the train home. He tries not to worry about anything at all as he wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans and grips his knees tightly to ground himself in reality. He knows he's just making himself crazy like he always does; he hopes that the second he sees Liam all his worries will disappear and they'll be too caught up in seeing each other again to feel anything other than relief and pure joy.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and scrolls through his inbox, and as he rereads the last few texts from Liam he feels his heart swell within his chest and a smile spreads across his face.  **Can't wait 2 see uuuuuu :D**  was the last text Liam sent before Louis got on the train, even though there's hours and hours yet between now and when they'll actually get to see each other.

They agreed that they'd spend time with their families their first night back - the fact that Louis' mum put her foot down about Louis staying home for at least a few hours this had no impact on his decision, obviously. He had to kill time until Liam got home, anyway.

Louis' phone buzzes with a new text as he continues scrolling and he laughs suddenly when he looks at the photo that Niall's sent him. It's a selfie where Niall looks positively distraught with a caption that reads  **plane delayed :( come back and keep me company !**

 **Already on the train :(**  he sends back, along with a pouty selfie that he takes as inconspicuously as he can given that he's in a slightly crowded compartment. Niall texts back several crying emojis and Louis can't do anything but laugh at them, ignoring the disapproving stare from the crotchety old man a few seats away.

Louis tucks his phone back into his pocket and rests his head against the window, watching the scenery speed by. If he closes his eyes he can feel Niall's hug from early that morning and it makes him feel warm all over. He shifts in his seat, pulling his knees to his chest and curling his arms around his ankles as he lets out a long breath to ease his nerves.

It's become a habit, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, especially over the last few weeks. He's felt on edge ever since Niall agreed to come visit him over New Years, but that's no one's fault but his own. He's the one who asked in the heat of the moment and couldn't bring himself to retract the invitation when he'd regained his senses.

If things with Liam aren't ruined when Louis comes home, they certainly will be when Niall comes to visit. Louis can only imagine how his entire life will go up in smoke, and it's all his fault.

Even though Louis spends the remainder of his train ride buried deep in his own thoughts and working himself into a silent frenzy, it all melts away the moment he sees his mum and sisters waiting for him in the terminal. He all but runs into his mum's arms and laughs as his sisters latch on as well, nearly sending them all tumbling to the floor.

"One at a time, one at a time!" he shouts through laughter as he hugs all of them in turn, smiling widely as the twins latch onto each of his legs and refuse to let go.

"We've missed you," Phoebe says as she presses her head into his stomach, "don't leave again."

It breaks Louis' heart to hear her say that, especially when he can't promise her that he won't leave again. He looks at his mum for help and she quickly starts corralling everyone towards the exit, saying they've got to get home if she's going to get supper on the table at a proper time. She grabs his hand and holds onto it tightly as they walk towards the car park, keeping him from getting into the passenger seat so she can hug him again.

"Good to have you home," she whispers in his ear, touching the side of his face gently before she urges him to get inside the car.

He sits in the front passenger seat while his sisters all squish in the back and somehow the sound of their bickering calms Louis, makes it feel like he hasn't been gone long at all. He smiles when his mum twists around in her seat to tell them to settle down and buckle in before she starts the car, and Louis catches Lottie's eye in the rear view mirror and sticks his tongue out at her.

"Wanker," she mouths back, but she can't keep a smile off her face and Louis grins. He leans back against the headrest and watches the scenery go by, thinking to himself it's good to be home.

As much as he loves his mum and sisters, after two hours of being in the chaos of the house he's ready for a bit of peace and quiet again. Lottie wouldn't give him his room back so he's stuck on the pull-out couch in the family room and therefore can't go anywhere but the bathroom for a bit of alone time. And even then there's only the one bathroom in the house so that's not a feasible idea either.

It also doesn't help that he can see Liam's house through the window in the family room and all he can think of is the fact that Liam hasn't replied to his  **I'm home!!**  text with one of similar nature, which just makes Louis a bit petulant about everything. He's not about to pitch a fit and ruin his first night home with his family, but he does start dragging his feet around the house while his mum finishes supper.

The meal takes his mind off of Liam for a bit, mostly because he has to get reaquainted with the guerilla warfare at the table to make sure his sisters don't steal all the best bits of food before he can get any for himself. He waits until Félicité turns her head to steal the chicken right off her plate and stuff it in his mouth before she can grab it back.

"Mum!" she shouts, "Louis stole my chicken!"

"M'a growing boy," he says through his mouthful, "I need it more than you."

"Louis," his mum warns, but there's a twinkle in her eyes that lets Louis know he's not really in trouble. He grins at Félicité and opens his mouth to show her what he's done to her chicken, making her turn away in disgust and pretend to vomit.

"What?" he says after he's swallowed it all. "Don't want it back?"

"You're disgusting," she remarks and scoots her chair away from him.

He dutifully helps clear the table after the meal is over and takes over the washing duty while his mum puts the leftovers away and his sisters all gather in the family room to watch a movie. Louis takes his time scrubbing each plate and rinsing them, so much that he doesn't notice his mum standing right next to him until he nearly drops one of them in surprise.

"Sorry, love," she says, but her laughter tells a different story. Louis flicks a few suds in her direction but leans into her when she wraps an arm around his shoulders.

"Missed you," he mumbles.

"Missed you too, Lou." She sighs softly and leans her head on his shoulder. "I'll finish these, you can go."

"You sure?" He drops his voice slightly, even though the girls can't possibly hear him over the amount of noise they're making in the other room, "I'd rather not watch Frozen for the hundredth time."

"You and me both, kid." His mum laughs and shakes her head. "No, you can go next door. M'sure there's someone dying to see you over there."

Louis feels his cheeks turn red as he dries his hands off, tossing the towel aside as quickly as he can to pull his mum into a proper hug. She kisses his cheek and ruffles his hair a little before she pushes him away from the sink.

"Try not to make a ruckus when you come home, yeah?" she calls as he goes to leave the kitchen.

"I'll try!" he calls back over his shoulder as he slips into the hallway and pulls on his boots before getting his coat. His phone's tucked in the pocket of his jeans and he hesitates for a moment, briefly debating whether he should try calling Liam first. He zips up his coat as he decides that he'd rather just show up on the Payne's doorstep, just like he used to.

Their front doors are a stone's throw away from each other but Louis finds it harder to make that trek than it ever has been before, his feet dragging through the fresh snow on the ground. He can see the lights on inside the house, he knows they're home. He can't imagine that Liam isn't home by now and he wonders if Liam's been thinking about him as much as he's been thinking about Liam. His phone is practically burning a hole in his pocket when all he can think about is the fact that Liam never texted him back.

He gets halfway to the front door when he stops dead in his tracks and turns his head towards the Payne's backyard, his eyes landing on the treehouse. It looks smaller than it did before Louis left for uni but he still remembers the last time he and Liam climbed up there, giggling and arguing over which one was going to make the whole thing collapse.

Louis finds himself walking towards it instead of for the front door, dashing past the windows so he's a blur to anyone looking out as he goes by. He pauses at the foot of the ladder for a moment, bracing himself before he starts to climb. The snow that's gathered on the plywood is freezing on his bare hands but he pushes through it in an effort to reach the top as quickly as he can, hopefully avoiding any of the steps snapping in two under his weight.

The wood creaks under his uneasy feet and for a good twenty seconds Louis is positive he's about to fall right through the floor. When nothing happens he crosses to the far side of the treehouse and sits down in the corner, tugging his coat under himself so he doesn't get his jeans wet from snow. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back against the wall as he breathes in deeply, relishing in the silence of the cold night air all around him.

His breath shakes on his third inhale and he feels warm tears prickle the corners of his eyes, his chest welling up with panic over practically nothing.  _It wasn't supposed to be like this_ , he thinks.

He pulls his legs up to his chest and rests his head on his knees, concentrating on his breathing to keep him calm. His fingers are freezing and sitting on the floor is anything but comfortable, but Louis hardly moves a muscle. It's pathetic, hiding like this, but he doesn't know what else to do.

The sound of footsteps crunching through the snow breaks him out of his stupor, but it disappears when he tries listening for it directly. At first he wonders if he's made the whole thing up in his mind, a desperate attempt to trick himself into thinking that he's not as alone as he feels, but then he hears someone let out a few rough breaths and the treehouse shakes with the effort this same person is putting into pulling themselves up the ladder.

Louis can't make out who it is through the darkness surrounding them, especially not when the light from Liam's house hides the figure in shadow when they appear in the doorway.

"Lou?"

"Liam?" Louis sags in relief at the sound of his voice, but he doesn't move otherwise. Either he's frozen from sitting too long in the cold or his body subconsciously doesn't trust that the floor won't give out under the both of them, he's not sure.

"What're you doing up here?" Liam asks with a laugh. "Aren't you cold?"

"Freezing," Louis replies through a nervous breath. "My mum sent me over, but…" he pauses and drops his gaze to the floor, "didn't know if you were home."

"My phone died on the train," Liam answers as he carefully climbs into the treehouse and makes his way towards Louis, "I plugged it in when I got home but it didn't turn on before my sisters got there and I've only just been let go."

He shuffles forward and kneels in front of Louis, wincing slightly at the cold seeping into his jeans as he reaches out with his gloved hands for Louis' bare ones.

"Hi," Louis whispers softly.

"Hi," Liam replies. "I was going to go to your mum's but then I saw your footprints," he laughs softly, "why didn't you come to the house?"

"Dunno," Louis mumbles as he tangles his fingers with Liam's. He pulls on Liam's hands until he's got no choice but to shuffle closer, his knees knocking against Louis' feet as his chest presses against Louis' legs.

"Missed you," Liam breathes out softly, and through the slight haze of Liam's warm breath in the cold air Louis' eyes drop down to look at his lips. He doesn't say anything before he leans forward and presses his mouth to Liam's, muffling the noise of surprise that Liam makes.

Louis starts to pull back but Liam follows too closely for any space to be put between them, catching Louis' lips in another kiss that he deepens with a swipe of his tongue against Louis' lips. A whimper escapes Louis' mouth in the split second it takes him to start kissing Liam back, and he can feel Liam's smile through their kiss as he tries to get closer.

Liam pulls his hands out of Louis' and pushes his legs further apart so he can crawl over him, practically pinning him down against the floor as they keep kissing. They both groan softly when Liam presses his body flush against Louis', but their kiss is finally interrupted by a loud creak from the wood floor underneath them. They both freeze and look at each other with matching looks of panic before they dissolve into giggles.

"Is the floor going to fall out from under us?" Louis asks in a loud whisper.

"It might," Liam replies with another giggle, "might be best to get out of here." He looks down at Louis with a hungry stare and adds in a lower voice, "need to warm you up, don't I?"

Louis groans and pulls Liam in for another kiss before he lets himself be pulled to the other side of the treehouse - very carefully, so as to avoid making one wrong move and sending them both crashing down into the snow below. By the time they make it back down the ladder they're both giggling madly and Louis immediately tucks himself under Liam's arm with his arms wrapped firmly around Liam.

"Where are we going?" Louis asks as Liam starts walking towards the back door to his parents' house. He pauses, giving the house a look over before glancing at Louis' mum's house and making a soft uneasy noise.

"Dunno," he says as he tilts his head to look at Louis, "probably won't have any privacy at mine."

"M'on my mum's couch," Louis sighs as he tugs on Liam's scarf, "Lottie wouldn't give up my old room."

Liam chuckles under his breath as he takes Louis' hand, curling their fingers together and pulling it away from the scarf around his neck. "Why am I not surprised?"

Louis hums softly as he leans his head on Liam's shoulder and stares down at their hands while they stand in the middle of Liam's backyard. His eyes drift to his mum's garage and he's struck with an idea that makes his lips turn upwards in a smile just like the Grinch.

"I've got an idea," he says as he pulls away from Liam, tugging him along by the hand as he makes a beeline for his mum's house and slips in through the back door while Liam waits patiently outside.

He can hear his mum and sisters laughing in the family room as he sneaks through the house towards his mum's purse in the front hall, carefully pinching her car keys out and clutching them tightly so they don't jingle as he runs back towards the door. He shuts the door behind him as quickly as he can, stifling laughter when he sees Liam with his hands clamped firmly over his mouth.

"What're you doing?" he asks through a laugh as he beckons Liam over towards the garage.

"Didn't want to make a sound," Liam replies, as though his reasoning should've been entirely obvious. Louis rolls his eyes as he rolls the garage door up, hoping that he's doing it quietly enough that his mum won't hear.

"You're an idiot," Louis mumbles as he gestures for Liam to get into the passenger seat. He slides into the driver's side and starts the car, wincing at the loud sound of the engine but he and Liam share a laugh. He flicks on the headlights and goes to put the car in gear when Liam suddenly lets out a breath of surprise and mumbles a curse under his breath.

Louis looks up to see his mum standing in front of the car with her arms crossed, but it appears that she's fighting a smile. She walks over to Louis' window and knocks twice, shaking her head as he rolls it down and gives her his best innocent smile.

"What d'you think you're doing?" she asks.

"Borrowing the car?" Louis beams. "Please, Mum, just for an hour or two?"

She lets out a breath and looks at Liam, who smiles nervously back at her. "Good to see you, Liam. Have fun at uni?"

"Yes'm." Louis stifles a laugh and Liam punches his arm. "My mum was talking about doing a dinner sometime this week, if you're up for it."

"Sounds lovely, tell her I'll give her a call, alright?" She turns her eyes to Louis and sighs. "Home by eleven, got it?"

"Got it," Louis replies with a grin. "Thanks, Mum!"

He waits until they've made it halfway down the block before he slips his hand into Liam's and mutters, "yes'm," under his breath and Liam groans.

"Shut up," he mutters, and Louis squeezes his hand tighter. "Where're we going, anyway?"

"Dunno," Louis answers, "wherever we want, I s'pose."

Louis drives aimlessly for a while, content for the moment just to be near Liam even if they're not talking. His nerves have calmed for the moment but there's still an energy thrumming just below his surface that's threatening to spill over and send him back into a panic. He hopes that he can keep it at bay for a while longer, at least long enough that he has another chance to kiss Liam beforehand.

He eventually pulls into an empty lot near their old school and turns off the engine, but can't bring himself to look at Liam just yet. They're still holding hands and out of the corner of his eye he can see Liam looking at him and smiling, but Louis can't move.

He wants to look at Liam; he's been thinking about seeing Liam again for days and wondering over and over what would happen when they saw each other again, and now that he's here and touching him and it's all real… Louis doesn't know what to do.

"C'mere," Liam whispers softly as he gently pulls on Louis' hand, tugging his arm over the center console between them to bring him closer even though Louis still can't look at him.

"Ow," Louis mumbles pathetically when his hip collides with the gear shift and he pulls back from Liam and frowns.

"Backseat?" Liam suggests, offering Louis a wry smile. Louis nods, looking at Liam only as he crawls between the two front seats and he pinches the seat of Liam's jeans as he tumbles into the back. He glances over his shoulder at Liam and snickers at the sight of Liam frowning, but he melts back into his seat when Liam extends his hand and mumbles, "c'mon."

Louis climbs into the backseat with even less grace than Liam did, ending up in his lap without even meaning to be. Liam's hands fall to his waist to keep him there and Louis ducks his head to avoid his gaze, seeking out Liam's mouth with his own.

"Missed you," Liam whispers in-between kisses and Louis shivers.

"Missed you too," he breathes out, so soft that Liam can hardly hear him at all. He latches onto Liam's scarf and starts pulling it away from his neck as he keeps kissing him, breaking away to kiss down his neck once it's been bared.

It's then that he sees a mark already on Liam's neck. It's faded, but not enough that Louis doesn't know exactly what it is as soon as he sees it. Louis swallows harshly and pulls away, falling off of Liam's lap and onto the seat next to him despite Liam trying to keep him in place.

"What's wrong?" Liam asks, his face a mixture of confusion and hurt.

"Nothing," Louis answers quickly, avoiding Liam's eyes all over again. "Cold," he says lamely, for lack of anything better to say.

"Then why are you over there?" Liam laughs softly. "C'mere, I'll warm you up."

Louis remains still, moving only to fidget with the edge of his coat while resolutely not looking Liam with his arms wide open and ready to welcome Louis back into his space. He doesn't understand why it's so easy, why Liam can readily pull Louis in for a kiss like nothing's changed in the last four months when it's staring Louis right in the face.

Liam's got someone else. Someone who's not afraid to leave their mark on Liam, and someone who Liam's willing to let do just that.

It's killing him, to be this close to Liam and still be so far away, but he can't quiet that voice in his head telling him that Liam doesn't need him anymore.

"Lou?" Liam's voice permeates Louis' mind and suddenly Liam's right in front of him, crouching on the seat and giving him a worried look. "Are you alright?"

"Missed you," Louis says, his voice catching and suddenly there are tears in his eyes that he can't control. "Missed you so much," he sobs.

"Oh, Lou," Liam wraps himself around Louis and hugs him tightly, pressing kisses against Louis' hair as he keeps fighting the urge to burst into tears. "I missed you too, I missed you so, so much."

Louis takes a deep breath, unable to hold back the distressed sound that escapes as he exhales, and clings to Liam. He hopes that if he concentrates hard enough on Liam's voice, the way it feels to be held by him, and the way he smells like  _home_ , he'll be able to calm down.

"Hey," Liam mumbles, trying to get Louis to look at him, "c'mon, I'll start tickling you."

"You will not," Louis grumbles back as he keeps his head firmly tucked against Liam's neck.

"Will too," Liam says with a soft hum, "still have to get you back for the time you split my trousers."

"Dunno what you're talking about."

"You do too," Liam laughs and kisses the top of Louis' head, "you love that story. You tell it every time our mums get together."

"Nope, never heard it before in my life." His voice is muffled from where his mouth is pressed into Liam's shoulder, but it doesn't matter. Liam rubs his hands over Louis' back and chuckles so deeply that Louis can feel it in his own chest where it's pressed against Liam's. He carefully lifts his head just enough so he can brush his lips against the curve of Liam's jaw as he whispers, "tell me?"

"It was our tenth year," Liam starts, already trying to hold back his own laughter as Louis starts to smile against his skin, "and we were in the library. I was trying to finish maths and you were doing everything possible to get me to skive off for the rest of the day. I kept telling you no, that I had to go to maths that day - which I  _did_  -"

"Did not," Louis mumbles, grinning against Liam's neck when he felt Liam poke his finger between his ribs.

"Shush. I was just minding my own business when you started tickling me, and you startled me so much that I slipped out of my chair and my trousers got caught on a screw or something and split right down the middle of my bum!"

Louis starts giggling madly at the memory: poor little curly-haired Liam had been so embarrassed that he'd crawled under the table and refused to come out until Louis got down there with him and gave him his hoodie to cover up. After a bit of snogging, of course.

"My mum was so angry," Liam goes on, "you'd think those trousers cost a hundred pounds the way she went on about them."

"Well you did ruin a perfectly good pair of trousers," Louis hums as he traces the line of Liam's jaw with his finger, "can't blame the poor woman for that."

"It was your fault," Liam mumbles as he takes Louis' hand in his own and turns his head so their lips brush together. Louis sighs into the kiss and Liam grips his hand tighter, the arm he's got around Louis' waist pulls them closer together.

When Louis pulls back, he realizes he'd forgotten all about the strop that he'd put himself in until he sees the mark on Liam's neck again. This time, instead of pushing Liam away, he leans in and attaches his mouth to that same spot and sucks. Hard.

"Louis," Liam breathes out harshly, but Louis doesn't stop until he's satisfied and there's an even bigger, redder mark adorning his neck. It's silly and territorial and it won't even matter in a few days, but it makes Louis feel better.

"Missed you," he whispers before he leans in for another kiss.

"Missed you too," Liam says as he lets go of Louis' hand to gently stroke the side of his face. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Louis mumbles, trying to brush the subject off. "Just… weird, y'know? Being home again."

"Yeah," Liam agrees, "bit mad, really. It's home, but, like, weird."

"Yes, Payno, that's exactly what I said." Louis rolls his eyes and Liam pouts.

"M'just saying. I rather got used to being at uni, but now we're home and it's fantastic, but it's different."

"Yeah," Louis says softly as he toys with the collar of Liam's coat. Liam tilts his head and tries to get Louis to look at him, but he can't. He's started feeling that strange itch that makes him want to pull away, to get out while he still can, but the reality is that Liam's got him more or less pinned against the door.

"Lou, are you sure you're alright?" Liam asks with a voice so sad and scared that Louis feels his heart break.

"I dunno," he mumbles. "Think m'just… it's just a lot."

"What is?"

"Everything," he sighs, "being home, my family, you…" he sighs again and shakes his head, "I think maybe it's leftover stress from uni or summat. My head's just all weird."

"Me?" Liam echoes quietly, and Louis shuts his eyes and breathes deeply. Of course out of that whole thing, Liam would pick out the one thing Louis didn't mean to bring up.

"Just…" Louis pauses and groans softly, "thought maybe you'd forgotten about me. When you didn't text, I… I dunno."

It's not quite a lie, but it's not the truth and right now, it's all Louis can give.

"Oh, Lou," Liam sighs sadly. "I'm sorry, my phone died and I didn't think--" Liam shakes his head and presses his lips to Louis' cheek in apology. "I was practically begging my mum to leave by the end of supper. I wanted to see you so much."

"I know," Louis replies as his voice wavers. "M'just being stupid, I know."

"You're not. Don't say that, you're not stupid. You're brilliant."

"Stop trying to butter me up, Liam." He chuckles wryly. "If I didn't know better I'd say you're trying to get into my pants."

"Maybe I am," Liam says. Louis sneaks a glance at his face and it makes him smile to see the blush on Liam's cheeks. As confident as he sounded in his words, he still can't keep himself from turning red.

"Is that so?" Louis teases. "Have to say, you're doing an awful job so far. Barely even gotten my jacket off."

"I'll show you awful job," Liam mutters before he grabs Louis' face and kisses him hard. Louis groans and adjusts his position in Liam's arms so he can properly straddle Liam's lap. They both let out groans as Louis rocks his hips down and Liam immediately drops his hands to grip his waist.

"My, my," Louis gasps as Liam's hands slip under his jacket, "defiling me in the car my sisters sit in? What's gotten into you?"

"Don't talk about your sisters," Liam says with a groan, "not now, please."

"Better shut me up, then." Louis grins wickedly and Liam crashes their lips together again as he shifts and pins Louis down against the seat.

They end up getting the car back at twenty after eleven; pink-cheeked and a bit messy under their trousers, but thankfully Louis' mum isn't around to see it.

*

As busy as the end of term was for Louis, with finals and packing for the holidays and trying to squeeze in time to spend with Niall, he feels like it's almost more exhausting to be at home with his family. He gets little to no time to himself what with a house full of sisters who constantly cling to him and ask him what he's doing every two minutes. He doesn't particularly mind, he loves his sisters and he knows they've missed him, but it would be nice to be able to spend a few minutes texting without one of them trying to snatch his phone out of his hands.

It's mostly just Liam who texts him - which is wonderful and Louis always smiles when Liam's name pops up on the screen - but every so often he'll get a text from Niall and as much as Louis doesn't want it to bring him crashing back to the real world… it always does.

He loves hearing from Niall, he really does. Most of the time it's just a picture of whatever Niall's up to at the moment, usually a picture of his feet propped up on the table watching footie with his dad or out at a pub with his brother Greg, but every so often he gets an  **I miss you**  text with a frowny emoji or a countdown to his visit and Louis feels a tightness in his chest that's getting harder to ignore.

While he's really excited about seeing Niall again and having him around, it also means that he's that much closer to meeting Harry.

Liam's hardly brought it up at all, he was too busy being excited for Louis' birthday and Christmas - or really he was excited for pudding because he's weirdly obsessed with the pudding his family has for Christmas dinner and while Louis doesn't understand it at all he's grown to accept it - but it's been at the back of Louis' mind for days and it's slowly creeping further to the forefront with every passing hour.

His birthday and Christmas pass by in the blink of an eye and before Louis quite knows how it happened, he wakes up to a text from Niall the morning he's due to arrive that says  **can't wait to see you!**  and Louis can't catch his breath.

When he goes downstairs for breakfast, his mum immediately senses that something's wrong and fusses over him even though he tries to brush it off and says he's fine.

"Are you poorly?" she asks as she feels his forehead for his temperature. He tries to push her hand away but she tuts at him and he drops his hands to his sides.

"M'fine, Mum, honestly."

"I want you to take some medicine, just in case." Louis opens his mouth to protest but she talks over him. "If you are sick, I don't want you passing it to the girls or to Niall and giving me a house full of miserable disease-ridden children."

"M'not  _diseased_ ," Louis grumbles under his breath, sagging down into a chair at the kitchen table while his mum goes to fetch the medicine. Phoebe pokes at his wrist and he makes a silly face at her.

"Who's Niall?" she asks.

"He's a mate from uni," he explains for the tenth time and she nods.

"Is he a mate like Liam?" she asks and Louis swallows harshly.

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, you and Liam cuddle and kiss and stuff. Do you do that with all your mates?"

Louis makes a mildly distressed noise; he can't believe that his six-year-old sister is asking him this. Thankfully his mum comes back into the room and starts fussing over him again before he has to answer her. By the time he's swallowed the medicine and quelled her worries for the time, Phoebe's been distracted by Daisy and Louis is off the hook.

It's not that he hasn't been honest with his younger sisters about him and Liam, it's just been a bit difficult to explain it in a way that they understand it fully. Half the times he's tried, their eyes glaze over about a minute into his explanation and they end up asking if they can play with their dolls now.

He lifts himself out of the chair and shuffles back into the family room and falls face first onto the pull-out couch, burrowing under the covers with a soft groan. He's there for maybe five minutes before he feels someone sit down on the couch next to him and there's a gentle hand pulling the sheets off of his head.

"I knew you were poorly," his mum says softly as she runs her fingers through his hair.

"M'not poorly," he grumbles, "just tired."

"Because you're poorly."

Louis rolls onto his back and stares up at his mum with a grimace, but it fades when she smiles at him and taps the tip of her finger against his nose. She leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead then smoothes his hair back and lets out a sigh.

"Take it easy, alright? I'll get you some tea."

"Thanks, Mum."

It's lucky that Niall's train doesn't come in until the early evening, which gives Louis free reign to stay on the couch for most of the day and avoid dealing with his problems. That is, until Liam texts him just after lunchtime.

**Gonna come w me 2 pick up harryyyy?? :)**

Louis groans and presses his face into the pillow as he pushes his phone away. No more than two minutes pass before his phone buzzes again with another text from Liam.

**Louuuuuuu :( he wants 2 meet uuuu**

**Mum thinks im sick** , he texts back, **wants me to stay in bed**.

It's not a lie, but it still makes Louis feel guilty. He's napped a bit and it was almost enough to make him feel better, but now his stomach is feeling queasy again just from two texts.

**Oh nooooo :( ok u stay in bed, mb we can drop by l8r??**

**Ok**

**Feel better lou :) :*******

Just as Louis goes to put his phone on the table next to the couch and ignore the world some more, it buzzes again. Even though Louis is sure it's from Liam again, he checks it anyway because he's nothing if not a masochist.

But the text isn't from Liam. It's from Niall.

**Waiting for my train!! Just a couple more hours :)**

Butterflies flutter around Louis' stomach and while they don't exactly help the queasy feeling, Louis surprisingly doesn't feel any worse. He's excited to see Niall; in fact, he blushes a little when he remembers asking his mum where Niall was going to sleep and she said they'd be bunking together in the family room. He probably should've told her that there's more than a slim chance of a bit of funny business with the two of them sharing a bed, but then he would've had to explain the whole situation between him and Liam and... that's something he's not sure he'll ever be ready to discuss with his mum.

 **Can't wait** , he pauses a moment before he adds,  **keeping the bed warm for you ;)**

He doesn't exactly know why he said that. He doesn't know why he says a lot of things lately. It's honestly a wonder he managed to do well on his exams at all given the state his head's been in lately. He desperately wants to be okay, he wants to make everything right and be happy for himself and Liam, but he doesn't know how.

Niall sends back  **I expect nothing less ;) can't wait to meet ur boy too! room for all of us in that bed of yours??**

Louis gulps. How could he have forgotten? He's been so caught up in what he's going to do when he finally meets Harry that he'd completely disregarded the fact that Niall is going to meet Liam. Liam, his boyfriend. Not just his best mate, but his  _boyfriend_.

This is going to be an utter disaster.

Louis doesn't reply to Niall's text, abandoning his phone in favor of taking the longest shower he possibly can get away with. Thirty minutes later, Lottie is pounding on the door and yelling at him to get out - which he does, albeit very reluctantly. To say that he wouldn't just stay in there all night if he could would be an understatement. He'd never leave if he didn't have to.

When he gets back to his phone, he's got several new texts. They're all from Liam but when he opens the first it's clear that they're not actually from Liam at all.

**Hiiiiiiiii it's Harry :)**

If that wasn't blunt enough, there's a selfie attached of Harry sitting in the passenger seat of Liam's dad's car.

 **Liam's an excellent driver :)**  followed by a picture of Liam who isn't looking at the camera, and then another where Liam was clearly caught by surprise and laughing about it. Louis frowns as he continues to scroll through them, each one more ridiculous than the last.

**Liam says I shouldn't take pictures of him driving :(**

**Lovely view!**

**This was your school?? Wicked :)**

**Turning onto your street!!**

**I see your house! :) :)**

**Can we come over?? Liam says you're poorly but I bet we can help you feel better!**

**Sry lou haz stole my phone :( r u better??**

"Christ," Louis mumbles under his breath as he reads the last one, sent no more than a minute before Louis picked up his phone. He doesn't even have time to think of a reply before the doorbell rings and Daisy shouts that she's got it.

He hears Liam's voice followed by an excited shout from Daisy, and he steels himself for what's coming next.

"Louis!! Liam's here!! With... someone!"

"Ta, love," he says as she passes him in the hallway, scurrying off to go back to whatever she'd been doing before she ran for the door. He takes a deep breath before he lets himself look at the pair standing before him, and he's left with no words at all.

"Wow," Harry breathes out. "It's really you."

Louis shrugs one shoulder as Liam snickers and nudges Harry with his elbow.

"Louis, this is Harry. Haz, this is Louis. My Lou."

"My Lou?" Louis repeats softly, and this time it's Harry who laughs.

"I've got a friend named Lou back home. She's a girl, though. Or a woman, really, she's older than me. I babysit for her, mostly. She's got a daughter named Lux and--" Harry pauses and laughs sheepishly, "m'rambling, aren't I?"

"Just a bit," Louis says with a tight smile.

"You feeling better?" Liam asks. Louis tries not to let Liam see how uncomfortable he is when he looks at him, but he's hoping if Liam does notice then he can brush it off on this fake illness.

"Yeah," Louis mumbles, "just needed a lie-in, I think."

"Good." Liam smiles. "D'you want to come to mine? I thought we all might hang out for a bit--"

"I can't," Louis lies quickly, "I told Fizz I'd help her with this set she got for Christmas."

It's a terrible lie, he's sure Liam isn't going to believe him one bit but he's surprised when Harry speaks first.

"That's alright, we can entertain ourselves for a bit, can't we, Liam?" Harry smiles widely at Louis, then at Liam. "Later, then?"

"I've got to get Niall from the train later." Louis avoids both of their eyes as he says this, but he can feel the burn of their gazes. "He'll probably be pretty tired from traveling all day. He's coming from Ireland, after all."

"Yeah, of course." Liam nods. "We'll just..."

"What about tomorrow?" Harry asks. "We could all do something together, like ice skating!"

"Ice skating?" Louis repeats incredulously at the same time Liam says, "that sounds great, Haz!"

"There's a rink around somewhere, yeah?" Harry beams.

"We've never been ice skating," Louis remarks.

"It'll be fun," Liam says. "If we're awful, at least we're awful together."

"That's the spirit, Liam!" Harry throws an arm around Liam's shoulders and jostles him a bit, and Louis feels prickly all over.

"Alright," he says tightly, "why not? Could be fun."

"Brilliant!" Harry smiles at Louis, who doesn't exactly try his best to smile in return. "We'll let you get to helping your sister... Fitz, was it?"

"Fizz," Louis and Liam say together.

"Short for Félicité," Liam explains and Harry nods thoughtfully. Liam turns to look at Louis and smiles, "I'll text you in the morning, yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis replies with a quick nod. Liam stares at him for a moment, and for a brief second Louis thinks  _he knows. He knows something's wrong._

"Alright," Liam says, his face brightening up with a smile. "See you tomorrow, Lou."

"It was great to meet you," Harry says, still smiling widely. "Tomorrow will be fantastic."

"Yeah," Louis says again, for lack of anything better. "See you then."

When Liam and Harry have stepped through the door and closed it behind them, Louis slumps against the wall and heaves a deep sigh. What has he gotten himself into?

Louis hides under his covers until the last possible minute he can before he needs to go pick up Niall at the train station, and he firmly avoids making eye contact with his mum when he asks for the keys to her car.

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't try and talk to him to find out what's really going on, but he can feel the weight of her gaze on his shoulders when he turns around and heads for the door. Even if he's not technically lying to her about anything in particular, he still feels an overwhelming amount of guilt as he drags his feet on his way to the garage.

As he pulls out of the driveway, he catches a glimpse of Liam and Harry heading out through the front door of Liam's house. Just as the door shuts behind them, Harry leans over and presses a kiss to Liam's cheek.

Louis quickly looks away to avoid seeing Liam's reaction and accidentally presses down on the gas pedal too hard and revs the engine, drawing attention to himself as he tries to drive away. His hands shake as he tightens his grip on the steering wheel and the breath he takes to try and calm himself down only makes him angrier.

The trouble is, he's not angry at Harry or Liam: he's angry at himself.

All Louis wants to do is be okay. He wants to be happy for Liam but he can't let himself do it. He doesn't want to hate Harry but he can't help himself. He doesn't want to lie anymore and pretend like he's perfectly fine when he's making himself miserable, but he just can't stop.

It's a miracle that he's not in tears by the time he makes it to the train station because when he pulls up, Niall's already waiting.

"Got in early!" he shouts happily, throwing his arms out when Louis climbs out of the car and gives him a confused look. He all but runs forward and tackles Louis in a hug, holding him tightly just like always.

"M'glad you're here," Louis murmurs as he hugs back, breathing in Niall's scent and reminding himself to stay calm. He can do this.

"Where to?" Niall asks once they've both pulled back and he's grabbed his bag.

"Home," Louis answers as he opens the boot and Niall tosses his bag inside, "Mum's got supper all ready."

"Perfect, m'starved."

"Of course." Louis rolls his eyes as they both slide into the front and Niall cuddles up to him as much as he can.

"Missed you," he says as he puts his hand on Louis' thigh. Louis shivers as he looks down at it, then at Niall's face with a wicked smile.

"I can see that," he replies. "Can't even wait til we leave the train station, can you?"

"You started it," Niall laughs, "what with telling me about your bed this morning."

"Dunno what you mean," Louis says as he reverses out of his parking space and heads towards the main road.

"Sure you don't," Niall hums.

Louis waits until the train station is far behind them in the distance to slide his hand across Niall's thigh, bypassing it altogether in favor of pressing his hand against the zip of his jeans. Niall groans a bit and pushes his hips forward as he grips Louis' thigh tightly. Louis doesn't take his eyes off the road but he's sure Niall can see the grin on his face as he presses harder.

It's a distraction, in more ways than one, but Louis can't find it in himself to pull his hand away. It's not right to use Niall in this way, he knows that, but it's one of the only things that manages to take his mind off of the turmoil it's in over Liam and Harry. It's an awful, stupid idea that's only going to make things worse, but…

"Shit," Niall groans as he unzips his jeans and lets Louis slip his hand under his pants and start stroking his cock properly.

Louis can't help himself.

*

The first morning with Niall in his house is a bit of a nightmare, really. All of Louis' sisters are positively enamoured with him, which means that the twins wake them up by jumping onto the pull-out bed while they're both still asleep. Louis is relieved that they both had pants on, otherwise things could've gotten very bad very fast.

Niall doesn't mind it at all, which he makes sure to say every time Louis tries apologizing for something one of his sisters has done.

When Niall disappears to take a shower, Louis finds himself alone in the kitchen with his mum. He should've known better than to let his guard down because as soon as he's got a cup of tea in his hands, she surprises him with asking about Niall.

"Just a mate, then?"

Louis chokes a bit on his tea. "Wh-What?"

"Niall," she says casually, "he's just a mate?"

"Yeah, of course," Louis clears his throat, "why d'you--"

"Seems like he's a bit more than a mate," she says as she steps closer and presses her finger to the underside of Louis' jaw, where up until that moment Louis hadn't known there was a mark there. "Seems to me that he's as much of a  _mate_  as Liam is."

"Mum--"

"Are you and Liam alright?" she asks. "I don't mean to pry, I just want to make sure--"

"It's fine, Mum, really." Louis sighs heavily. "Liam knows about Niall, and anyway…" he drops his eyes to the floor, "he's got someone too."

"Oh? Is it that boy Daisy was talking about? The curly-haired one?"

"Yeah," Louis answers, "Harry."

She stays silent for a moment as she runs her fingers through Louis' hair, and then she lets out a sympathetic noise.

"My poor Lou. You don't seem thrilled about this."

"M'fine, Mum. It's fine."

"If you say so," she says, running her fingers through his hair once more before she leans forward and kisses his temple. "Just want you to be happy, alright?"

"I know."

"And safe, y'know. Just because--"

"I  _know_ , Mum." Louis groans. "Please, not that again."

"M'just saying."

"Yes, I know, thank you!" Louis says over his shoulder as he quickly darts out of the kitchen and makes his way up to the bathroom. Niall's just coming out of the door when he gets to the top of the stairs, fully dressed but with his hair still wet and matted down, and he smiles brightly when he sees Louis.

The next thing he knows, Louis is pushing Niall back into the bathroom and shutting the door behind them while he hushes Niall's possible questions with a kiss. Louis only just manages to put his tea down before he starts pulling at Niall's clothes while trying to keep quiet.

"Should've just joined me before," Niall mumbles into Louis' mouth as he helps pull Louis' joggers down and gets his hands on Louis' bum.

"Here now, aren't I?" Louis quips as he pushes his hips forward and gets a hand around both of their cocks. Niall lets out a moan but Louis quickly presses their mouths together again and swallows it. A moment later Niall takes him by surprise by pressing a dry finger between his bum cheeks and against his hole, and Louis breaks the kiss to press his face against Niall's shoulder and moan helplessly.

"Wish I could fuck you," Niall murmurs in his ear, "get you all slicked up and proper begging for it. You look so good when I'm fucking you."

"Yeah," Louis whimpers as he tries to move his hand faster around both of them, but Niall knocks his hand away so he can grab Louis' cock, leaving his own all for Louis. He groans against Niall's shoulder as Niall starts wanking him roughly, the tip of his finger still pressed against his hole.

"Couldn't do it here, could I? You'd have to be quiet and we both know you can't keep your mouth shut when I'm fucking you. You'd let everyone in the house know what we're doing, how much you love it."

Louis whimpers again and jerks his hips forward into Niall's hand, desperately chasing his orgasm while Niall keeps muttering in his ear.

"Yeah, Lou, wanna see you come. Love making you come, especially when you come on my cock, fuck, so good."

"Yeah," Louis pants, "gonna come, Niall, gonna come."

"C'mon, c'mon, that's it," Niall groans as Louis spills over his hand and tries to muffle his moan by sinking his teeth into Niall's shoulder.

"Shit," Louis whines as his hand falters on Niall's cock, too overwhelmed by his own orgasm to keep it moving. Niall doesn't mind, he lets go of Louis' cock and takes over, using Louis' come as lube to get himself off. Another minute or so passes before he grunts and comes all over both of them, grabbing Louis' arse hard as he rides the aftershock.

"Look at the mess you've made," he says with a breathless laugh.

"S'your fault," Louis mumbles. "Always your fault." In his head, he thinks  _you don't even know how good you look, what it does to me._

"You keep saying that." Niall shakes his head. "But do you know how tempting your arse looked in those joggers of yours?"

"Can't take you anywhere," Louis says as he nips at Niall's lips with his teeth then kisses him, "you'll just get us kicked out for public indecency."

"Can't help myself," Niall says, squeezing Louis' bum, "it's my kryptonite."

Louis hums and lets out a soft laugh as he tucks his head into the crook of Niall's neck. They really need to clean up and get out of the bathroom before someone figures out what's going on.

"I'll be on my best behavior today," Niall promises. "No funny business at the rink, yeah?"

Louis stills for a moment and closes his eyes. He'd almost forgotten about the ice skating plans with Liam and Harry.

"You'd better," he finds himself saying. "No pulling me down with you just to get your hands on my arse."

"We'll see." Niall pats his bum. "'Tis a very nice arse you've got."

It takes another full hour for them to get ready, a good thirty minutes of which are spent in the bathroom. By the time they've got all their winter layers on, Liam's texted Louis several times and Louis has more or less ignored each one. It's not until he and Niall are literally about to go out the door that he quickly texts  **coming over now**  - and even then he pauses just after he's stepped outside and Niall does the same.

"What? Did you forget something?"

"No, I just…" Louis takes a deep breath. "I forgot to say, Liam's bringing a… friend."

"Okay?" Niall laughs. "The more, the merrier!"

"It's a friend from uni," Louis goes on, "and well… they're, um, they're together. Sort of."

Confusion clouds Niall's eyes for a moment and Louis takes the opportunity to start walking to Liam's house, knowing full well that Niall's about half a second away from figuring out what Louis is so poorly trying to tell him.

Before Niall can say another word when he catches up to Louis on Liam's doorstep, Louis presses and holds the doorbell until the door swings open. It's Liam's mum, of course, and she tuts Louis.

"You know you shouldn't do that," she says with a smile.

"It's how I make sure  _you_  answer the door," Louis says brightly as he beams at her. "Liam ready?"

"Should be, I'll get him."

"Louis," Niall says once she's disappeared from the doorway, but he doesn't get the chance to say whatever he's thinking because Liam and Harry appear almost immediately.

"Thought you'd never get here!" Harry says and Louis forces a smile as he shrugs his shoulders.

"So you're Niall?" Liam asks, smiling brightly. "Good to meet you, I've heard so much!"

"Y-Yeah," Niall says nervously as he shakes Liam's hand. "You too, Liam. Louis' best friend."

Louis winces a bit at the tone of Niall's voice; he can  _hear_  the hurt.

"I'm Harry."

"Liam's  _friend_  from uni, yeah." Niall shakes his hand. "Heard about you as well."

"We good to go?" Liam asks. "I've got my mum's keys, so--"

"Yeah, let's go," Louis says quickly as he turns away from the door and starts heading for the garage on the other side of the house.

He expects the car ride to be awkward, and while it may be for him the other three don't seem to notice it at all. He and Niall sit in the backseat but Niall might as well be in the front for all the time he spends leaning between Liam and Harry, chatting as though they're all old friends.

Both Liam and Harry try to include Louis in the conversation, but all he can manage is a one-word answer here and there from time to time. Niall barely looks his way at all.

The rink is fairly busy, mostly with families or groups of teenagers like themselves. The four of them stand around for a minute, taking it all in as they figure out the next step. Louis has his eyes firmly focused on the ground beneath his feet while Harry and Liam chat lively, and he can feel Niall glancing his way. He hopes against hope that Niall won't make a scene in public, but there's no telling what'll happen when they go back to his mum's house.

One minute bleeds into the next until suddenly Liam and Niall are walking away and Harry's got his hand on Louis' arm, leading him towards the little shop that sells treats. Louis doesn't know what's going on or why they're suddenly separated, but none of that matters when he finally looks at Harry and the perpetual smile he's gotten used to on Harry's face has vanished completely.

"I get it, y'know."

Louis blinks. "Get… what?"

"Why you don't like me," Harry answers sadly.

"I don't…" Louis can't even finish the sentence. He doesn't know how. He's not sure what he wants to say because on the one hand he likes Harry well enough but on the other, he can't stand him at all.

"I get it, I just wish you liked me." Harry sighs. He's not looking at Louis as he says this, but Louis can't take his eyes off him. "I like you, Liam likes you, and I like Liam  _so much_  and I know you do too. I just want Liam to be happy, y'know? You make Liam so, so happy."

"So do you," Louis whispers.

"I'm not you," Harry says, suddenly turning his face towards Louis and staring at him directly. "I know I'm not you and I know I'll never be to Liam what you are to him, but I just…" He sighs and turns away again, shaking his head as he continues, "I just wished you liked me enough to give me a chance, too."

"I'm sorry," Louis says after a long pause. "I want to like you, I do, I just…"

"I was so excited to meet you," Harry interrupts. "You're all Liam would talk about for so long and I wanted to meet you so badly because Liam made you sound so brilliant and wonderful and everything."

"He did?"

"Yeah," Harry says as he looks at Louis and smiles sadly. "He loves you so much."

Louis blinks and takes a deep breath. He wasn't expecting to be this close to tears already.

"I like you, Louis." Harry slowly reaches out and takes his hand, and Louis surprises himself by letting Harry do it. "Would you give me a chance? Please?"

"I…" Louis breath catches and he can't meet Harry's eye, "I'm scared."

"So am I," Harry laughs softly. "You're not alone in this, Louis." He squeezes Louis' hand. "It's new and scary for everyone."

"You don't seem scared," Louis mumbles pathetically, "neither does Liam. It's just me, I'm the one who fucks everything up."

"Don't say that," Harry says as he curls his other hand around Louis' and holds it tight between both of his hands. "You're not."

"I am," Louis voice catches on a sob, "I am and Liam's going to realize I'm awful and he'll hate me and Niall--"

Harry pulls Louis into a hug and Louis starts crying into his shoulder, acutely aware of the attention they're drawing from not only the other people in line but passers-by as well but he just lets go. Harry rubs his back soothingly as he holds him tight, murmuring  _you'll be alright_  in his ear.

"Nobody's trying to replace you, Lou," he says. "Liam would never, and neither would I. I'd never want to."

"Yeah?" Louis says quietly, sniffling and wiping at his face as he pulls back in Harry's arms. "Never?"

"Never ever." Harry offers a smile. "I told you, I like you." He laughs softly and leans in to whisper, "I think I started falling for you just as fast as I fell for Liam."

Louis inhales a shaky breath and squeezes Harry's hand where it's still clasped around his own, giving Harry a genuine smile for the very first time.

"Thanks," he murmurs, "and for the record, I like you too."

"Yeah?" Harry smiles widely and presses a kiss to Louis' cheek, making him blush and shy away. He keeps a hold of Harry's hand as they finally step up to the counter and place an order for four hot chocolates, and he only lets go when they absolutely have to.

Louis' good mood wavers when they rejoin Liam and Niall, who were off renting pairs of skates for them all. He sits down next to Niall and passes him his hot chocolate, which Niall takes from him with a murmured thank you but he refuses to look directly at Louis.

"Niall," he starts, but he's cut off when Niall thrusts a pair of skates at him.

"Not now, alright?" he mutters under his breath, sneaking a glance at Harry and Liam who are laughing beside them. "I just… let's just have fun, yeah?"

Louis nods silently and sips at his hot chocolate as he stares down at the skates next to his feet. Niall's already laced his up, as has Liam and Harry's well on his way. Louis takes his time in doing them up and tries not to pay attention to what the other three are doing, all the while burrowing deeper and deeper into his own thoughts.

He's startled when Liam sits down next to him and puts his hand on Louis' shoulder, laughing softly as he apologizes for frightening him. Louis sort of slumps against Liam and lets out a relieved breath, and it's then that he notices that Niall and Harry are already out on the ice.

"I like Niall," Liam says, slipping his arm around Louis' shoulder. "He's really funny, had me in stitches when we were getting the skates."

"He loves to laugh," Louis replies quietly. "Harry's nice," he adds, "I like him."

"Good," Liam sighs in relief, "I was worried there, for a minute."

"He, um," Louis swallows harshly, "he gave me a bit of a talking-to, actually."

"Did he?" Liam gives him a worried look and Louis immediately shakes his head.

"No, it's fine, I… I needed it." He sighs sharply and lowers his voice. "I was being a twat."

"Is that why you've been acting weird?" Liam asks. "Because you were trying not to like Harry?"

"No," Louis says in a tone that tells Liam that he really means yes.

"Louis."

"Liam."

Liam sighs. "But you do like him, right?"

"Yeah," Louis says with a soft laugh, "I do. He's great."

"And we're okay?" Liam asks as he scoots closer to Louis so their hips are touching and Louis can feel Liam's breath on his cheek. He turns his face towards Liam's and brushes their lips together in the lightest kiss imaginable and then smiles.

"We're more than okay," Louis promises as he laces their fingers together. Liam smiles and pecks Louis' lips with one more kiss before he suddenly gets to his feet and practically yanks Louis off the bench.

"C'mon! Time to get on the ice!"

The actual ice skating goes about as well as Louis expected - he spends a lot of time either clinging to the edge of the wall around the rink or latched onto one of the other boys. Harry keeps insisting he can skate very well, but he seems to spend more time on his bum than anyone else. At one point he tries to get Niall to do a twirl with him and they both end up flat on their backs in the middle of the rink, giggling madly.

Louis finds solace in the fact that Niall doesn't outright ignore him while the other two are around; he lets Louis cling to him when he's unsteady on his own feet and he smiles and jokes with Harry and Liam, but it only goes so far. Louis can't help but worry about what's going to happen when he and Niall are alone again.

He worries about it when they finally leave the rink, a bit chilled and sore but still in good spirits. He continues to worry about it when they go grab a bite to eat and he and Niall sit across from each other in a booth but he won't look Louis in the eye. His nerves start getting more and more frazzled the closer they get to his mum's house and he knows the moment is coming.

Part of him knows he deserves whatever's coming, but he's still terrified.

Niall doesn't say anything as they leave Liam's house, he stays quiet as the two of them walk back towards Louis' mum's house and Louis can't concentrate on anything but how much he's trembling. When he goes to open the front door Niall hangs back and kicks at the snow on the bottom step of the stairs leading towards the door, and Louis can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry," he says, the words spilling out of his mouth in a rush. "I should've told you--"

"Not here, Louis," Niall interrupts solemnly. Louis blinks and sighs heavily.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't want to do this where your mum and sisters might hear it," Niall continues in the quiet tone, staring resolutely at the steps in front of him rather at Louis' face.

"Okay," Louis replies with a shaky breath. "C'mon, then."

He almost takes Niall's hand to lead him but thinks better of it at the last second. Niall probably wouldn't have let him hold it anyway, and the last thing Louis wants is to make anything worse than it already is.

It's a short walk to the neighborhood park, and Louis is thankful it's deserted when they get there because he had no idea where else they would've gone. He heads for the swingset and brushes the snow off the seats of two swings as he sits in the far one and waits for Niall to take the one next to him.

They sit in an agonizing silence for several minutes until Louis breaks all over again.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

"You lied to me," Niall says as he stares at his hands, clasped together with his elbows resting on his knees. Louis winces and inhales deeply as he buries his head in his hands.

"I didn't… I didn't mean to," Louis says, and he winces again when Niall lets out a hollow laugh. "It just seemed easier, at the time."

"What, easier to lie to me?" Niall asks.

"No, I just--"

"Why didn't you tell me Liam was your boyfriend?" Niall looks at him and Louis feels frozen in place from the weight of his gaze. "I would've been fine with it, if you'd just told me from the start, but now... " he sighs heavily, "I don't understand."

"I…" Louis tries, but he can't come up with a reason that will make up for him lying to Niall.

His reasoning for omitting the fact that his boyfriend and his best friend were one in the same seems so stupid, so trivial now. It had made so much sense in the beginning and Louis had put everything into the hope that Niall wouldn't be angry with him if he found out. He'd never seen Niall angry before and now that he was, Louis desperately wished he could take it all back.

"I don't know," he says finally. His voice breaks and Niall looks away from him, making everything feel ten thousand times worse. "It hurt too much, talking about him."

"You talked about him all the time," Niall snaps, "you were always going on about your best mate, Liam…"

"Exactly!" Louis shouts. "My best mate! Not my boyfriend! Not the boy I was in love with who agreed to see other people at uni, not the boy who found someone else immediately and was  _so happy_  about it! Not…" Louis loses his voice again and chokes a bit as he tries not to cry, but he's startled when Niall suddenly gets up from the swing and paces in front of him.

"You had me!" he shouts. "You did the same fucking thing Liam did! He had Harry, and you had me! What did you think was going to happen, Louis? Did you think you'd come back home and Liam would forget all about Harry and want only you again, and then you'd conveniently forget all about me as well?"

"No," Louis tries, "that's not--"

"That's what it fucking feels like!" Niall yells. "You let me believe there was a place for me in all of this! That you wouldn't just abandon me and--" Niall groans angrily and kicks at the snow around his feet, making Louis jump again.

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop saying that! You don't get to say that and pretend like everything's okay!"

"What do you want me to say, Niall?!"

"I don't know!" Niall curses and kicks at the snow again. "I don't fucking know what to do! I'm so…" he trails off and laughs, but it's not like a laugh that Louis has ever heard from him before. It's dark and disproportionate to the ray of sunshine Niall normally is, and it kills Louis to know that he's the cause of it. "I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that I really like Liam. And Harry." He throws his arms up in the air and sighs. "They're brilliant. And they both think you've hung the bloody moon and I just… I don't know."

"Niall…"

"I like you," he says as he looks at Louis for the first time since he stood up from the swings. Louis can see the tears in his eyes and if his heart wasn't broken before, it is now. "I like you so much and I thought you liked me too."

"I do, Niall, I do--"

"You used me," Niall says as his bottom lip starts to shake and his voice wavers. "You used me to get through a semester without Liam and… fuck, I  _knew_  it but I didn't want to. I wanted to believe you liked me enough that…"

Niall falls to his knees and buries his head in his hands as he starts to cry, and Louis is out of his swing in a flash to run over and wrap his arms around him. Niall starts to fight him off at first but gives up after a few seconds and just clings to him as he continues to sob.

"I'm sorry," Louis says over and over, "I'm so, so sorry. I like you so much, god, Niall, you're amazing and I don't deserve you."

"No," Niall says as he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his tears away, "you really fucking don't."

Surprisingly, they both laugh. Niall lifts his head and lets Louis rub his thumbs over his cheeks, brushing stray tears off his face. He slowly puts his forehead against Niall's and breathes deeply, trying to savor the moment for as long as he can in case Niall's about to punch him in the face or something. Louis can't say he'd blame him at this point.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs softly. "I really do like you."

"Yeah?" Niall says with a sound that's more of a sob than a laugh. "You've got a funny way of showing it."

"What can I do?" Louis begs. "Please, I don't want to lose you."

"I don't know," Niall replies with a shaky sigh. "You've just… you've lied so much."

"I'm sorry," Louis says, knowing full well he's like a broken record at this point. "I think… I was just scared, Niall. I was scared of being alone and scared of Liam finding someone else he liked more than me, and… I'm fucked up, I know I am, but I like you so much, I…" He takes a shaky breath. "I think I love you."

"You're a right arsehole," Niall says as he pulls away from Louis and covers his face with his hands. "You can't just say that and expect me to tell you it's fine. How do I know you're not just saying that?"

"I'm not," Louis insists as he crawls through the snow to get closer to Niall. "I swear, I'm not. Please, Niall."

"How can I know for sure?" Niall says as he shies away from Louis' hands. "You  _used_  me."

"I'll make it up to you," Louis begs, "god, I swear I will, Niall. Please, let me make it up to you."

"You're doing it again," Niall shakes his head, "you're just saying anything you can, aren't you? You don't get it, you--"

"No, no, please." Louis clings to him desperately. "If you just… please, just give me another chance, I'll never lie to you again, I promise." He hesitantly raises Niall's hands in his own to brush his lips across Niall's knuckles; he's terrified that Niall's going to pull away at any moment.

"I can't forgive you just like that," Niall breathes out, "it's not that easy, Louis."

Louis is at a loss for words; he doesn't know what he can say to get Niall to believe that he really wants to make everything work, that he's still scared about everything but he's down right petrified of the idea of losing Niall just because he doesn't know how to handle things properly. He's acutely aware of his breathing, labored and panicky in the silence of the winter air.

He's surprised when Niall squeezes his hands, and his heart leaps into his throat when Niall looks at him with a sad smile.

"Let's go back to your mum's, yeah?"

"O-Okay," Louis answers shakily as he tries to stand up. His legs feel like jelly under him but he manages not to stumble as they leave the park. The walk back is less tense than before, Niall's still holding loosely onto one of Louis' hands and he's grateful for the contact, but there's still an overwhelming sense of insecurity about what could happen next.

He's expecting Niall to do what he does: hide away from everyone and sulk. Louis assumes that he's going to have to explain why Niall's suddenly acting so strange to his mum and in turn have to tell her  _everything_  that's gone on since he went to uni. He's dreading it from the moment they walk into the house.

But in reality, Niall doesn't act any differently. He's charming with his sisters and lovely towards his mum, constantly offering to help out in any way that he can and even tries to cajole Louis into doing it too. Louis can't understand how Niall can act so normal and wonderful with everything that's happened.

The night passes without them talking about anything further, but Niall lets Louis curl into his side as they fall asleep. By the time Louis wakes up the following morning, Niall's already up and out of bed laughing with his sisters in the kitchen. Louis runs his hand along the empty space where Niall should be, and he blames himself for waking up alone.

Louis isn't sure if it's a good idea or a bad idea to spend another day with Liam and Harry but somehow they wind up doing so anyway. Neither of them seem to notice anything's off with Louis and Niall, mostly because Niall acts as though literally nothing is wrong.

The four of them take a walk around Liam and Louis' neighborhood and end up at the same park that Louis and Niall went to the day before, but Niall remains completely unaffected. He all but runs into a giant pile of snow, dragging Liam along with him while laughing uproariously all the while. Harry hangs back and watches with a smile as he loops his arm through Louis', grounding him in a way Louis hadn't known Harry could do for him.

He listens to Harry's stories about his own hometown, growing up with his sister and mum and all the ridiculous situations he's gotten himself into over the years as the pair watch Liam and Niall completely cover each other with snow. Louis laughs when Niall shoves fistfulls of snow down Liam's jacket, and laughs even harder when Liam returns the favor but this time going for Niall's jeans.

The tables turn when Liam and Niall start pelting snowballs at the two of them, and soon Louis finds himself in the middle of an all-out war with snowballs whirling past him left and right. He forgets the worries, the troubles, everything but what's right in front of him with these three boys - and he feels happy.

He keeps feeling happy as they trek to the nearest cafe and pile into a booth, Niall and Harry on one side and Liam and Louis on the other. He watches as Harry gets whipped cream all over his nose and Niall can't stop laughing at him. Harry sticks his bottom lip out in a pout and goes to rub his nose against Niall's cheek, but Niall catches him before he manages and thumbs the whipped cream off. Louis feels his heart flutter in a way he's never felt before when Niall kisses the tip of Harry's nose, and he snuggles up to Liam's side.

For the first time, Louis gets the feeling that he knows exactly what he wants. He knows he doesn't want to let any of these boys go, not even for a second. Hesitantly, he reaches his leg out and curls his foot around Niall's ankle. He sees the moment Niall realizes what he's doing, and thankfully Niall doesn't shift away. He turns to look at Louis and gives him the faintest of smiles as he knocks his foot against Louis' under the table, and then goes back to talking to Harry.

It's not much, but it's a start.

*

Louis should've been expecting his mum to corner him on New Year's Eve, if only based on the incredulous look she had on her face when he first told her that he and Niall were going to Liam's for the night. She hadn't said anything at the time other than giving her permission for them to go, and Louis had forgotten all about it.

She corners him in the kitchen after supper, while Niall's distracted by the girls, and for a moment Louis thinks he's going to get the safe sex talk all over again.

"Is tonight a good idea? With things between you and Liam being… the way they are?" she asks, making Louis' heart drop into the pit of his stomach.

He'd give anything for the safe sex talk over this.

"It'll be fine, Mum," Louis clears his throat nervously, "why d'you ask?"

"Well, it's a bit strange, innit? Taking another boy over to your boyfriend's house for New Years, especially when your boyfriend's got another boy staying there as well." His mum shakes her head. "I'm just trying to understand, Louis."

"So am I," Louis sighs heavily. "M'not sure of anything anymore."

"Oh, Lou." She frowns. "What's wrong? What haven't you told me?"

Louis laughs nervously and shakes his head. "It'll be alright, Mum, I promise. Things are going to work out."

"Are you sure?"

"They have to," Louis replies adamantly, "I don't know what I'll do if they don't."

"Louis," she sighs as she pulls him towards her for a hug, "my poor baby."

"M'fine, Mum," he insists. Maybe if he says it enough times it'll magically become true.

"Alright, alright." She lets go and Louis turns away so he doesn't have to look at the tears in her eyes. He promises himself that someday he'll sit down and tell her everything - but in order to do that, he has to actually understand it himself first. His heart swells when a voice in the back of his mind says  _you will, someday_.

That voice stays with him as he and Niall head over to Liam's house with a bottle of cheap champagne in hand. Louis slips his free hand into Niall's the moment they walk out of his mum's house and breathes a little easier with each passing step where Niall doesn't pull away.

Harry's already a bit red in the face when he opens the door and greets them both with a kiss on each cheek. Louis smirks at him but bites back a remark about how much he's already had to drink in favor of getting inside and out of the cold. Liam's sisters went back to their respective flats after Christmas and his parents are gone for the night, leaving the whole house empty save for them. Now that he's here, Louis feels a bit nervous about what the night could bring.

"See you've started already," Louis murmurs as he hugs Liam hello, snatching the cup out of his hands and sniffing it.

"Just a few sips," Liam swears, smiling at Louis and not caring one bit that his drink's been stolen. Out of the corner of his eye, Louis can see Harry pouring a drink for Niall as they chat animatedly about something he can't quite catch.

"We brought champagne," Louis says, brandishing the bottle before he pushes it into Liam's hands. "Can't open it til midnight though, that's the rule."

"Is it?" Liam grins. "I'm sure we'll remember that."

Time elapses so quickly that the boys nearly miss the stroke of midnight, barely managing to catch a glimpse of the clock with five minutes to spare. They scramble to try and open the bottle of champagne, only then realizing that none of them have ever done it before. Harry offers to try it but the other three quickly insist that someone else should do it - just in case - and the duty eventually falls to Liam.

In the time it takes for Liam to open the bottle without spilling champagne everywhere and hitting one of them with the cork, Louis realizes something: he has no idea who he's going to kiss at midnight.

It's a bit scary, really, because he's got too many options to consider. If he picks Liam, then he's afraid of what Niall will think and also that leaves Niall and Harry to kiss and he's not sure how either of them would feel about that. If he picks Niall, he's worried that Niall won't actually want to do it and then he'll be left without a New Years kiss at all. And if he picks Harry, well, he's not entirely sure if that's an option to begin with.

But now that he's thought about it, he can't stop wondering what it'd be like to kiss Harry.

In the end, the decision is made for him in a way he never saw coming.

They fill their cups with champagne with just thirty seconds to spare before the clock strikes midnight, and they're all gathered in a circle on the floor. Louis is sat between Harry and Liam with Niall across from him, still trying to figure out which one he wants to kiss the most.

They all count down to zero together, cheering loudly when it switches to midnight and it's officially the new year. There's a moment after they all take sips of their champagne where they're all trading sheepish glances with each other, and Louis thinks to himself  _this is it_.

He never expected Liam to be the one to make a move.

"To the new year!" he cheers, and then the next thing Louis knows, Liam's leaned over and kissed Niall full on the mouth.

He doesn't even realize his mouth is open until suddenly he feels Harry's lips over his own and he's being kissed within an inch of his life.

"To new boyfriends," Harry murmurs when he pulls away with a wide smile. Louis stares at him for a second as he licks his lips, then blinks furiously as he turns back towards Liam and Niall.

Only Niall's not there.

"Where…?"

"He ran off," Liam explains, looking both bewildered and extremely sad at once. "Should I not have…?"

"No," Louis says, then shakes his head when he sees Liam start to frown more, "no, it's not you, it's… shit, this is my fault."

"What's going on?" Harry asks as Louis gets to his feet.

"I'll… let me get him, and we'll explain everything," he promises before he runs out of the room, hoping Niall hasn't gone too far.

Luckily for Louis, Niall chose to hide out in the kitchen so he's easy enough to find. Actually approaching and/or talking to him is an entirely different story.

He hovers in the doorway for a few minutes, working up the nerve to step over the threshold as he tries to figure out what to say. Niall's standing stock still at the sink, staring out the window as fresh snow falls outside. He doesn't seem to notice that Louis is there at all, which Louis can't decide is good or bad.

"Niall?" he whispers finally, keeping his tone low so as to not frighten him. He sees Niall stiffen but remain otherwise immobile as he makes his way across the kitchen floor. "Are you alright?"

"Did you tell Liam to do that?" he asks stiffly, turning his head so Louis can see his profile but not enough to make eye contact.

"To kiss you?" Louis stays silent for a moment but when Niall doesn't say anything he adds, "no."

"You had nothing to do with it?" He sounds incredulous and Louis can't blame him.

"I didn't, honest." Louis sighs as he moves closer and hesitantly reaches out to put his hand on Niall's shoulder. "Did you not want him to?"

"I don't know," Niall answers with a huff. "I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know if I can believe anything you say--"

"Niall, I didn't tell Liam to kiss you."

"How do I know?" Niall half-shouts, quickly dropping his volume back down to a whisper, "how do I know you didn't ask Liam to do that so I'd forgive you?"

"I didn't," Louis repeats. His eyes are starting to feel wet and he's positive his cheeks are burning; why won't Niall listen?

"I don't know what you want," Niall says as he shakes his head. "Me? Liam?  _Harry_? I just don't--"

"I want all of you," Louis interrupts quickly. He hardly realizes what he's said until after it's come out of his mouth, but he doesn't regret it one bit. "I want  _all_  of you," he repeats in a firmer voice.

"How?" Niall asks brokenly. "I don't know how that works, Louis. I don't know how it's supposed to go."

"D'you think I do?" Louis chokes out a laugh. "Why d'you think I've been so fucking stupid? Why d'you think I lied to you? I'm scared out of my mind because I don't know what I'm doing but I know that I care about you just as much as I do about Liam, and Harry's not half-bad either."

Niall snorts and covers his eyes, giggling to himself and Louis takes the opportunity to step closer into his space. Niall's giggles fade away much faster than they would if he weren't close to hysterical, but he doesn't move away.

"I know it's weird," Louis starts, "and I know I've made an absolute mess out of everything because I'm shit with actually dealing with  _this_  sort of thing, but… I was serious when I said I love you and don't want to lose you."

"Louis…"

"I know you probably don't believe me and that's my fault, I shouldn't have lied to you. I know I should've handled things better than I did and what I did was completely fucked, but…" he sighs, "I'm trying to make it better."

Niall looks at him and Louis forces himself to not lose eye contact, knowing full well that this could either make or break everything he's tried to fix.

"You're mad, d'you know that?" Niall says with the tiniest laugh Louis has ever heard.

"I know," Louis replies with a shake of his head, "but I'm trying."

"You are," Niall says as he tilts his head just enough to rest it against Louis' forehead. Louis closes his eyes and smiles as he squeezes Niall's shoulder gently. They stand in silence for a few minutes before Louis has a question in the back of his mind that he's just itching to ask.

"Was kissing Liam really that bad?" he quips, and Niall bursts out laughing.

"You're such an arsehole," he mutters.

After another few minutes of standing alone in the kitchen, Niall lets Louis take him back into the living room where Liam and Harry are waiting. They've moved from the floor to the couch, but both stand when the other two enter the room. Louis can tell Liam's ready to spew forth a hundred apologies so he holds up one hand and takes a deep breath.

"I think I have some explaining to do."

Louis tells them how he regretted bringing up the idea of an open relationship as soon as the words left his mouth. He tells them how ridiculously jealous he felt when Liam first told him about meeting Harry, even before he was anything more than a friend. He grips Niall's hand tightly as he tells them about how while he didn't mean to at first, he used Niall as a way to avoid dealing with his jealousy.

It hurts to see the way Liam's face changes with each passing confession, but Louis knows if he stops at any point he'll never finish. He has to get this all out on the table now.

He tells them how he lied to himself, to Niall, to everyone by letting them believe everything was fine when in reality he was in a constant battle with his own thoughts and feelings. He tells them how in not wanting to hurt anyone, he ended up hurting Niall in the worst way imaginable.

And then, he admits that he's been selfish. He admits that part of him still wants Liam all to himself, but then he can't stop himself from wanting Niall too. And now that Harry's come into his life, he doesn't want to let him go either.

Tears form in his eyes and his voice gets choked up as he confesses how scared he is of everyone leaving him because he's been so awful, and how none of them deserve anything he's done. He says he just wants them all to be happy, and that he understands if they want nothing to do with him.

Niall's still holding his hand when he finishes. He squeezes it tightly and Louis squeezes back, so grateful that Niall hasn't abandoned him. Liam and Harry are both just staring at him while his heart practically pounds out of his chest with anticipation. He tries to take it as a good sign that neither of them have walked out, but with every passing moment of silence it's getting harder to believe that they won't still do it.

"You've felt like this… since you left for uni?" Liam asks.

"Yeah," Louis replies shakily.

"You should've told me. I never would've--"

"You wouldn't have met Harry," Louis interrupts. "Or, at least, you wouldn't have him like you do now." He drops his gaze to the floor. "Even when I was being selfish, I still wanted you to be happy."

"That's so…" Liam sighs and shakes his head. "You're mad, Lou."

"Yeah," Louis chuckles softly, "so I've been told."

"So, um," Harry pipes up, "does this mean you fancy all of us?"

"Y-Yeah," Louis answers slowly, looking from Harry to Liam to Niall. "Think it does."

"Well, that's a relief." Harry leans into Liam with a laugh. "I thought I'd hit the jackpot with Liam but now that I've got you and Niall as well,  _I'd_  be mad to let you lot slip away."

Louis and Niall immediately start laughing as Liam scolds Harry for being so forward, but Harry doesn't seem to mind at all. In fact, he kisses Liam's frown away.

"But…" Liam says as he gently but firmly pushes Harry away, "do you have Niall?" He turns to look at him and Louis. "Do we have Niall as well?"

Louis looks at Niall, who's looking at the other two. "If you'll have me," he says, squeezing Louis' hand again for support.

"We'd be mad not to," Louis murmurs as he squeezes back.

**Epilogue**

_three months later_

"They're not doing it," Louis huffs as he taps angrily at the screen of Niall's computer.

"Louis," Niall says warningly as he grabs Louis' hand to protect his computer from Louis' impending wrath.

"They're  _late_."

"By two minutes!" Niall shakes his head. "Maybe they're having trouble getting Skype to load."

"They should've tested it before, like we did." Louis crosses his arms and pouts. He's been looking forward to this all week and now Liam and Harry are  _late_  and he's allowed to be upset.

"M'sure they're working on it right now," Niall says as he scoots close to Louis, pressing up against Louis' back as he wraps his arms around him. "We're all as excited for this as you are."

"Lies," Louis mutters, though his mouth twitches with a smile. Niall presses his cheek against Louis' and smiles, kissing the curve of his jaw just as a request for a video chat pops up on his laptop.

"See?" Niall says, jostling Louis about and kissing him again. "Told you."

"Shut up," Louis replies, turning around and giving Niall a proper kiss before he accepts the call.

"Hi!" Harry drawls, his massive curls taking up most of the screen as he centers the camera on himself. Louis rolls his eyes and hugs Niall a bit tighter.

"About time," he teases, "what're you doing? Where's Liam?"

"He's here!" Harry says as he turns the camera around and points it at Liam. They both squish into view and Louis turns and gives Niall a confused look.

"Where are they?" he asks before turning around and saying, "where are you?"

"Outside," Liam answers with a smile which turns into a giggle when he shares a look with Harry, who's also giggling.

"Why don't you go inside?" Niall says as he starts laughing too. "M'sure you can find somewhere that'll let you in."

"Good idea, Niall!" Harry says and the camera goes a bit dark as they shuffle around. Louis huffs in annoyance and slumps back against Niall.

"They're absolutely ridiculous. Why're they outside in the first place?"

"Dunno," Niall replies as he squeezes Louis, "but at least they're here, aren't they?"

"Close enough," Louis mutters. He's about to snap at Harry and Liam for ignoring them when they don't get the time to Skype all that often when there's a knock at Niall's door and Niall actually gets up to get it.

He turns around in the chair, ready to chew Niall out for ditching their Skype session as well when he sees who's on the other side of the door.

"Told you we were outside," Liam says with a grin.

"You…" Louis stands up and shakes his head, "absolute bastards."

He barrels into both of them for a hug, grabbing Niall along the way so they're all holding each other tightly in the doorway.

"We wanted to surprise you," Harry says as he kisses Louis' cheek. Louis turns his head and kisses Harry properly, and then turns to Liam to do the same.

"You knew about this?" he says when he rounds on Niall.

"Of course," Niall replies proudly. Louis rolls his eyes but kisses him as well and reaches down to pinch his bum.

"Can't believe you kept me in the dark like that."

"Was well worth it." Niall grins.

"How long are you here for?" Louis asks, turning back to the other two.

"We have to go back tomorrow," Liam answers with a pout. "But we've got all night, at least?"

"Unless you're not actually going to invite us in," Harry says with a snicker.

Louis is about to say something snarky when Niall loops his arms around his waist and pulls him aside so Liam and Harry can enter. He squawks indignantly at being manhandled, but Niall kisses the back of his neck in that one spot he likes at the same time he squeezes Louis' hip and suddenly he feels a bit boneless and floaty.

He lets himself be pulled onto the bed by Liam and Harry, ending up in Liam's lap while Niall closes the door and climbs up onto the bed to join them by curling into Harry's side. Louis watches shamelessly as Harry kisses Niall hello and finds himself squirming in Liam's lap, getting turned on just from watching them kiss.

"What about my hello kiss?" Liam says with a bit of a pout before he leans over and pulls Niall to him. Louis resolutely does not whimper at the sight, no matter what any of the others might say. Harry reaches between the two and squeezes Louis' thigh just inches from where Louis' half-hard cock is tucked into his jeans.

"Liam," Harry whines, "switch with me."

"Alright, alright," Liam mumbles as he gently pushes Louis off of his lap and takes the place Harry vacates in order to crawl on top of Louis. Harry presses him down against the mattress and kisses him deeply, making Louis gasp and moan as their hips meet in the middle and he can feel Harry's cock against his own.

"Don't they look pretty together," he hears Niall groan. Louis opens his eyes and tries to look at him while still kissing Harry, and he moans helplessly when he sees Niall is in Liam's lap now with his jeans undone and Liam's slowly stroking his cock. His mouth is firmly attached to Niall's neck, sucking marks into his pale skin and making him shiver.

Louis groans and kisses Harry harder, running his hands down his back until he reaches Harry's bum and grabs it tightly to press their hips together even more. Harry bucks his hips desperately against Louis' and pants into his mouth.

"Shit," he gasps as he suddenly rolls off Louis and onto his back next to him. "M'so close already," he says with a breathy laugh as he unzips his jeans and pushes them down around his thighs. Louis can't do anything but stare at the curve of Harry's cock as he feels his mouth water just from watching as Harry wraps his hand around it.

"Know what you mean," Niall moans, "shit, Li, that feels good."

"Can I suck you?" Louis asks, surprised by the sound of his own voice. Harry pauses in stroking himself and squeezes the base of his cock as he lets out a moan.

"Yeah, fuck, that'd be amazing."

Louis gets up on his knees and Harry slides over to make more room - there's hardly any space on the bed with four people so it's no wonder that they keep having to shift around, but Louis wouldn't have it any other way. Louis shudders when he feels not one but two hands on his hips as they ease his joggers down over his bum.

"Such a lovely arse he's got," Liam murmurs and Louis feels a flush work down his body all the way to his toes. He whines softly before he tries to distract himself with pressing his mouth against the jut of Harry's hip, sucking and biting at the skin to make Harry squirm.

"Love to get my mouth on it," Niall agrees, "he loves it too."

"You should do it," Harry suggests, moaning shamelessly when Louis wraps his lips around the tip of his cock. "One of you, do it."

"Go keep Harry company," Liam says as he squeezes Niall's cock once more before urging him to move. "I'll take care of Lou."

Louis can hear the sounds Harry and Niall make as they kiss, sloppy and wet and  _so loud_  it makes his own cock ache, but it's overshadowed by the feeling of Liam's hands on his cheeks and the full-body shiver that comes from Liam breathing hotly over his hole.

"Used to get him off talking about this," Niall grunts. Louis looks up at him as best he can while still sucking Harry's cock. Harry's got his hand wrapped around Niall's cock and is kissing Niall's neck, but Niall's staring straight at Louis. "He comes so hard when we imagine the two of you with us."

"Liam loves it too," Harry murmurs. "Sometimes he likes to pretend he doesn't, because he gets all blushy and--" Harry breaks off with a moan as Louis sucks particularly hard; it's Liam's fault for finally getting his tongue on Louis. " _Shit_ , it's so fucking hot though."

"Yeah," Niall groans, "loves a bit of showing off, don't you Lou? Look at you, sucking Harry's cock so well."

"Feels amazing," Harry agrees. Louis whimpers around his cock and shudders again when Liam stops licking him and presses a finger against his hole.

"God, he's so responsive," Liam says with a groan. "Bet he'd come all over himself just from us talking about it."

Louis whines again and sinks down further on Harry's cock, sucking as hard as he can as he thinks  _yes, yes, god yes_.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," Harry cries out, "shit,  _shit_!"

Louis swallows as much as he can before he pulls off, catching the rest with his hand as he wanks Harry through his orgasm. Niall moans and Louis darts his eyes over to him just in time to see him come as well, his own hand wrapped around Harry's over his cock.

Liam pulls Louis up on his knees and presses against him from behind, slipping his bare cock between Louis' cheeks as he reaches around and takes hold of Louis' cock. Louis moans desperately from how good it feels to finally have someone touch it and he grinds back against Liam's cock.

"Look so good, Lou," he whispers into his ear. "Feel good against my cock, too, always have."

"Liam," Louis moans desperately, "wanna come."

"Know you do," Liam groans. "You deserve it, don't you? After making both Harry and Niall come all over themselves just by looking at you."

"Yeah," Louis whimpers as he looks down at them, feeling his cheeks burn red as they stare back at him with hungry eyes.

"Feel so good, Lou," Liam grunts as he rocks his hips into Louis' bum in the same rhythm he's using on Louis' cock. "Gonna come all over you, d'you want that?"

"Yes," Louis moans brokenly, "please, Liam,  _please_."

"Yeah, Lou, yeah, gonna come," Liam groans, stroking Louis as fast as he can and making him cry out as they come at almost the same time.

Louis falls forward, bracing his hands on either side of Harry's hips as he comes all over Liam's hand, shuddering harshly as Liam's come splatters all over his backside.

He's a bit dazed as Harry and Niall gently pull him up so he's squeezed between the two of them, and Liam collapses into the tiny space between Niall and the wall. Louis can't spare a thought to realize how disgusting they all are, pressed together with come cooling on their skin, he's too full of happiness and satisfaction from being with his favorite boys.

"Love you," he murmurs tiredly. "Love you all so much."

"Love you too, Lou," Niall says as he kisses that same spot on the back of Louis' neck. Harry kisses his forehead as Liam reaches over Niall to put his hand on Louis' hip and squeezes it to let him know that he's there too.

"Not letting you go," he mumbles, lifting his finger to poke at Harry's nose before it drops down from exhaustion. "You're all staying here forever."

"Sounds good to me," Liam replies with a yawn.

"Perfect," Harry agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


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